Big problem

Peace to the rabbi
I have a difficult question for you and I’m sorry to involve you in this.
I did something wrong according to the law (I didn’t hurt anyone, physically or in any other way). I recognize that I shouldn’t have done it and ask God for forgiveness every day for it. The time has come and I will have to go to detention in two weeks. I don’t want to cause my children and my family to suffer by knowing about what I did and I want to end my life because that’s the only way they won’t be able to know what I did. If I’m not alive at the time of the trial, then everything is canceled. I’m going into surgery tomorrow and I want to ask God to take my soul to Him.
Is this allowed?
Thanks in advance.
gift