Halachic obligation
Rabbi Michael Avraham, peace,
The next question is indeed a personal matter, but it is based on the question of what a halachic obligation is.
Lately I’ve been dating someone really seriously, a smart, friendly, smiling, and sweet girl who studied at a seminary.
But there’s something that bothers me that I don’t know how to look at – even though she defines herself as ‘halachically committed,’ she wears pants.
My approach is that I don’t rule on my partner’s halakhic law and that she should do what she thinks is halakhically correct, but in this case she says she has no halakhic explanation for why it’s okay and she’s not looking for one. She’s simply aware that it’s something that’s really, really hard for her to follow and she hopes that one day she’ll be able to dress properly. She also knows that she’ll expect her daughters to wear skirts, but today she can’t seem to wear skirts herself. It frustrates her terribly and it’s really on her mind.
I’m wondering how to relate to someone who observes halakha, but doesn’t get along with one of the mitzvot. When a person is unable to overcome their urges on a regular basis, but sees themselves as obligated to all the mitzvot, is this an obligation?
And another question – in your opinion, how much does it matter at all to a relationship and is it something that can be compromised on (as long as it doesn’t concern my observance of Halacha)?
Thank you very much,
In my opinion, there is no problem with pants for a woman. It is accepted clothing, today for both religious and seriously religious women. The fact that she has no explanation for it could be because she intuitively feels that it is perfectly fine. It is true that it is desirable to clarify and establish, but it is certainly not terrible. Intuition plays a role in all of us.
I think that if Halacha is important to her, one detail or another, even if she has no explanation for it, there is no need to interfere. In particular, as mentioned, which I think is not a problem. It probably doesn’t matter if you feel a good connection and a good personality that suits you.
Good luck.
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