Rabbi’s question
In honor of the rabbi
Hello,
This evening I was with my wife at the IKEA store and there was an ultra-Orthodox woman who passed us in line.
I was very upset and I warned her quietly at first and it seemed that it didn’t make much of an impression on her.
I yelled at her that it was a waste of time and that according to the Torah, what was important was a long skirt or wasting people’s time.
I regret that terribly. I have never yelled at a person or made fun of anything in public.
The problem is that I have no way to get to it.
And I don’t know what to do.
I am turning to the rabbi because my wife studied with him and greatly respects him, and I was ashamed to turn to my own rabbis.
With thanks
Hello.
First, according to your description, she would have deserved a reprimand. But really, public shaming is a problematic thing. In particular, the reference to modesty, which ostensibly tells listeners that modesty is not important. I will first say that it is good that you are looking for a way to repent, and it is clear that all you can do is make an effort. Therefore, do not lose heart.
I see no practical solution to reach her, and so it seems to me that this is a situation like a robber who does not know to whom to return the stolen goods (cannot locate the stolen goods). In such a situation, the halakhic law states (Shulchan Sh
https://www.yeshiva.org.il/midrash/16210
Although in your case it is not theft, and therefore it is apparently only an external imagination. Perhaps we can still learn from this that you should do things to prevent shame from people (study the subject of shame in Halacha, and then give a lesson and/or write an article on this topic).
On second thought, I thought that shame is also a type of damage that is paid for (sham money), and therefore there is room to liken it entirely to theft and not knowing to whom it will be returned. If this is so, then shame money can be paid for many purposes.
The question of the amount remains. How much is the prostitution fee of such a woman? In the Book of Common Prayer, Rashi explains that this is the amount that the person (who is ashamed) would be willing to pay to spare himself this shame. I think the assessment of this is up to you no less than it is to me.
Bottom line: Estimate how much a woman like her would be willing to pay to save herself from such shame (you could do a short poll among your wife’s friends). If you also write an article or give a lesson on the subject of shame and the answer to it, it would certainly be useful to make amends. If you want, I would be happy to help you with that. Perhaps if you write the article with your wife, we could publish it in the Midrashah’s “Dirsa” magazine.
And again, don’t lose heart. Your intentions are good, and anyone can fall for this, especially when there is a justified trigger.
Greetings to your wife too (has she finished yet?) and all the best,
Leave a Reply
Please login or Register to submit your answer
