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Respecting parents

שו”תCategory: HalachaRespecting parents
asked 5 years ago

Greetings to the Rabbi
In the case of a father who beat his children (a father who was himself a beaten child) with vigorous and frequent beatings. The mother divorced and the violence stopped. Today it seems that the father understands what he did to his children and himself and repented. Is there a duty to respect a father in such a situation? And to what extent is the duty? As a normative father?


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מיכי Staff answered 5 years ago
I think the obligation to respect him always exists, even without him repenting. However, in such a situation I would recommend that the son stay away from him and not be in contact with him in order to avoid getting into problematic situations. When he repented, I see no reason not to respect him. Respect is not gratitude for the good he did to him, but rather a duty from the Torah toward the one from whom you came. See my article on philosophical gratitude.

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רון replied 5 years ago

Respect without being in touch is a recipe for false respect.
In the meantime, I came across this article and it seems to me that there is an answer there too https://mikyab.net/%D7%9B%D7%AA%D7%91%D7%99%D7%9D/%D7%9E%D7%90%D7%9E%D7%A8%D7%99%D7%9D/%D7%9B%D7%99%D7%91%D7%95%D7%93-%D7%94%D7%95%D7%A8%D7%99%D7%9D-%D7%95%D7%98%D7%A8%D7%99%D7%98%D7%95%D7%A8%D7%99%D7%94-%D7%94%D7%9C%D7%9B%D7%AA%D7%99%D7%AA

מיכי Staff replied 5 years ago

I didn't mean to be respectful without being. Because there is a duty of respect, the best advice is not to be there and not to be in conflict.
Reminds me of Kishon's saying that for several years now he and his wife (=the little one) have been living in wonderful harmony, he in Metula and she in Eilat.

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