The thought of the laws of unity in the face of our times

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asked 4 years ago

There is a difference in the laws of exclusiveness if their essence is only a “fence” or a prohibition in the essence that exists in it because of “closeness of opinions”. It seems that according to some verses, a large part of the laws of exclusiveness prevent a man from experiencing emotional closeness even with a woman. If we add to these laws the ruling of the Maimonides that even saying invalid things with a woman is forbidden, see “Responsa Igrot Moshe Even HaEzer, Part 4, Section 6”
And so also the tongue shall not come near to reveal nakedness, which is said in all fornications, which is, “Do not draw near to the grave, for these are useless things, and they are in general a prohibition.”
And also the halacha that it is forbidden to look at a woman’s beauty or smell her perfume, which according to the Rambam is also a prohibition from the Torah.
Doesn’t all of this lead to views and behaviors that contradict the “dating world” as it is today? In perception, people try to create an emotional connection even before the wedding and reach the “microcosms of her mind.” In addition, it is clear that the person is also looking to look at her beauty to see if he likes her.
What should be the attitude towards these laws? What should be the attitude towards the concept of the relationship between a man and a woman before marriage that seems to emerge from them?

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מיכי Staff answered 4 years ago

I just wrote about the principle of the safst nish. There are practices that clearly have no validity because they are unreasonable. In today’s reality, it is impossible to demand that people get married without meeting first. Therefore, even if all of this were true, in practice there is no need to act this way. An example of this is the conduct of the world in relation to what is stated in the Shulchan Orach Resh Si’ Ram. Although there are also internal halakhic explanations for this (without a special nit). For example, meetings for the purpose of marriage are not meetings for the purpose of transgression and these prohibitions were not stated. For the sake of discussion, even if it leads to forbidden thoughts when it is done for the purpose of marriage, it is not mentioned. Just as there is no prohibition stated for ejaculating semen for an abortion when one does so for the sake of his wife’s observance of the season, or even for taking it out for the sake of a rabbi.

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אאט replied 4 years ago

Can the Rabbi refer to the sources of the concept of when to “take a bath”? Especially since it is for the purpose of marriage?

מיכי Staff replied 4 years ago

I didn't understand the question. I said I understand from my own experience that if it was done for the purpose of a marriage, then it's okay. If you're looking for any sources, I don't have any at the moment. I guess you can search online.

יוסף יודא replied 4 years ago

I wonder if these words of the Shas are explicitly forbidden for a person to sanctify until he has been sanctified (kiddushin 1.) lest it be protected against him. And what is not intended for this purpose but for contemplation is forbidden.