Psychological difficulty in investigating faith

Hello Rabbi,
 
I must ask for forgiveness first, because I know this is not your area, but since the rabbi deals a lot with things of God and faith, I saw fit to try to ask him.
I am experiencing a very serious dissonance. On the one hand, the desire to be a thinking, philosophical, and curious person who formulates positions on his own. On the other hand, I am dealing with something that until yesterday I would have called fear of investigation, but it is natural that today it is more of an anxiety. Yesterday, after encountering Yum’s criticism of the witness’ argument, I had a small anxiety attack. All this time I had assumed the status of Mount Sinai as a basic premise, and suddenly it dawned on me how arbitrary it is and how unfounded I am, and now I feel that I have serious doubts about my faith and that I need to start investigating from a deeper point. I constantly postpone studying, whether because of fear or because of perfectionism. In recent months, I have felt that I am not afraid to investigate, and that even if I come to the conclusion that I have no reason to keep the commandments, then that is fine. But yesterday during the attack I felt cold and as if a pit was opening up under my feet (“If the Torah was not given to us, what does it actually mean? Why am I alive?”), definitely a feeling that I was not prepared for.
I’m trying to recover from this. But I would like to hear from the rabbi whether he knows, heard or experienced something similar, and what logically is possible and advisable to do (research, not research, wait it out), how can one deal with the fear of the bubble I live in bursting, how can one reconcile my new doubt and the following conclusions from a more whole place in the soul.. And I know there is a bit of psychology here, and really, forgiveness, I just really feel like I need to ask someone this, so if the rabbi can try to say something useful I would be happy,