Also a question about contact
peace,
I read the previous question about the connection and it also raised a question for me, but from a slightly different perspective,
I’m a young girl and I met a guy who really has a lot of chemistry and connection between us and the same humor, we’re really on the same wavelength, but on a perspective level, I think there’s a bit of a gap between us. As if I didn’t talk to him about it too much, I asked him what he thought about evolution, the Big Bang, for example, and he wasn’t scared or completely denied it (and I know many who did) but said if there was something that contradicted it, then obviously not, etc.
I, on the other hand, have pretty much “fallen” into all the philosophical and investigative content, right to the point, and I know the arguments of atheists quite well. On the other hand, of course, I know this site and the arguments on the other side. It’s more of a superficiality than a thoroughgoing one…
The question is whether it’s critical because on a practical level we do the same thing and it shouldn’t really interfere with the relationship, especially since our background is Haredi and he suits me from the point of view of raising children, which is not against core studies and he studied a profession. It may sound obvious, but from where I come from, it’s not accepted and they really directed me to the Abrevet, but I didn’t want to.
P.S. I feel like all these sectors are like imaginary dividing lines between people who simply have to “play the game.” So it’s also important to note in addition to the question that what you’re doing is a very big thing and I hope you succeed in making a fundamental change in the various sectors.
Hello.
From the description you presented here, if he knows your positions and it’s okay with him, I don’t see any problem. There’s no need for the couple to be identical. Nor do they have to think the same thing or have the same tendencies. If there’s chemistry and a good relationship, that’s the main thing. The rest will take shape as you go. It’s much more logical and likely that you’ll reach agreements and a shared model than if you come into the relationship when both partners are solidified and then expect there to be complete compatibility between them.
Do you think it is possible to be in a relationship with a person who believes wholeheartedly when the halakhic practice is similar, and hide from him your skepticism and true opinions on such significant issues?
PS In my opinion, in the ultra-Orthodox sector, this is more possible than in the religious community, ironically, because of the ultra-Orthodox pragmatism and living in seconds that you pointed out, in contrast to the religious community, for the most part, the religious perception is mixed beyond recognition with the halakhic practice. Am I right?
A. I think it is possible if the daily conduct is really the same in the end and B. I don't think it should be completely hidden. I did throw very controversial topics at him like evolution and the big bang (many people believe only in the word, they could have escaped me haha) So it is clear that there should be more or less room for the sheikh to recognize these concepts and not to rule them outright from the start. He also told me that I am in favor of doing things out of understanding and investigation and not blindly, which is also important to me as a husband and for future children.
Another thing that is important to remember is that in general all these issues of faith and philosophy and religion are very complex issues. The more you get into it, the more you discover a whole world. So you will never be able to find someone who stands on exactly the same level with you. So as well as the rabbi, there are many things that can be built on later if there is a good foundation.
Regarding the question, I agree, less philosophical, more practical Haredim have an advantage and a disadvantage to this.
Everyone will of course do what they understand, but I suggest thinking carefully before entering into a relationship with the intention of hiding your true perceptions. A partner is a confidant, with whom you remove the masks and talk about everything. On the other hand, as long as it's not a very big deal, these aren't really things that affect the relationship. When you enter the routine of family life, the weight of these things in the relationship decreases significantly.
True, sometimes it's also about different ways of thinking that lead to the same result, so here too it's much less significant, but that's why it's really something I was interested in raising and asking because in the end there is some kind of gap, you have to look at the whole thing and think about whether it can work or not. Each case on its own is not an exact science.
If these are just different ways of thinking that lead to the same result - there is no question at all. There is no gap. There is more agreement than with the Chavruta on the issue. And if there are different perceptions here about the entire Torah and faith, and the partner does not share these views at all, it is impossible to ignore the enormous difference, it is a different head. Of course, it is possible to suppress it and the routine of life, etc. But a worldview regarding philosophy and religion for people who are truly interested in the subject, is an important part of their lives, their thoughts. Suppressing it in front of your partner is not bringing an important part of you to him. A certain sacrifice.
Regarding the end of your first response, it is indeed possible to find someone who agrees on philosophical perceptions just like you. But there are perceptions that are completely different worlds. Chabad and Breslav can hardly get along. Not to mention perceptions that are considered heresy among the religious and the ultra-Orthodox.
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