Marriage
Shalom Rabbi Michi
First, I would like to point out that I am a longtime student of yours, but this is the first time I am asking/consulting – you/with you.
And hence to the subject that is close to my heart
I have been happily married for several years.
But sometimes the question arises in me to what extent I am obligated to consider my wife’s opinion on matters.
that are not directly related to her, although she tries to influence my decisions, such as: place of work, social circle, leisure activities, etc. (for example: I sometimes meet with friends to drink Yisrael or smoke a little weed (in a way that by all accounts does not harm my health) which is not to her liking)
When she reacts with regret to my decision, do I have a duty to invest effort in pleasing her or more?
To reach a negotiation and compromise, or is this not the man’s duty to his wife from a moral (and ethical) perspective?
I will state that I love her very much and am devoted to her and my family with all my heart and soul.
Thanks in advance.
Ariel
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Thanks for the quick answer/response
I am indeed sorry that there is no concrete answer to these types of questions
Common sense? Apparently I am right!
How important is it to me and her? Our will and ambition as individuals are important to both of us
How hard is it for each of us to give up? Equally hard.
What will happen if I don't give up? Nothing.. Actually yes, she will be hurt
Is this crazy or are things real? Probably real things, she is super intelligent!
Am I suppressing because of my instinct? Probably yes. But we follow our instincts as long as they don't harm us or others. And so the question remains,
This makes me think how convenient and easy it is for those who have a guru/rabbi
I just raised some thoughts from my heart (maybe there is no point in publishing my response)
Thank you very much!!
May God be with you in whatever you turn to
It is indeed convenient to be a follower of a guru/rabbi. But I am not guilty and do not undertake to provide convenience to the public (I assume you do not expect this from me either).
What I am saying is that you need to decide because only you know the situation. It is possible to debate what to do in terms of spikot (when everything is equal as you described). In such a situation, you can draw a lottery, or decide to do what you want (in terms of a better scho”at), or decide to go towards it and give up (which is also a better scho”at). And again, I have not helped you in any way.
If you ask what I am betting on? A priori, it is likely that she is right because she is not infected and you are.
Maybe you could talk to your wife and share this deliberation with her. That is, present the situation to her from your perspective, and ask her whether in her opinion you should give up your desire for pleasure for the sake of her desire/pleasure. That is, also make this meta-decision together.
Good luck
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