What is love between couples in the Haredi world?
We find many couples who marry through matchmaking (and also among secular couples). They love each other, respect, appreciate, devote themselves and are compassionate. But a spark of falling in love and the passion of the soul for the one and only, less mental turmoil and incessant thoughts about the beloved… (Romantic love)
When we read the Song of Songs, we see love for God as such love and apply it to love for a woman, which seems to have been the perception at the time.
But seemingly in our ultra-Orthodox world, and for hundreds and thousands of years, we don’t see that this is the perception and way that marriage is more of a family affair, to establish a home, to bring children into the world, to love one’s wife more than one’s body, but we don’t see that there is an interest in intense passion.
Is this true? And what is correct?
Second question: Is romantic love a lasting and growing love or is it generally supposed to fade away?
I don’t think there is a right or wrong. If there is – good, and if there isn’t – also good.
The second question should be addressed to a psychologist. But I don’t think there’s one answer for everyone.
There is a Gemara in Kiddushin, page 14. Rav Yehuda said, Rav said, It is forbidden for a man to sanctify a woman until he has seen her, lest he see something indecent in her and she defends herself against him, and Rahmaana said, "And you shall love your neighbor as yourself."
This means that there must be some desire on the part of the husband towards the wife, otherwise there will be a lack of "and you shall love your neighbor as yourself."
There is a difference between a demand that you not defend yourself and a demand that you will be passionate about.
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