Guidance on faith and keeping the mitzvah
Hello Rabbi,
First of all, thank you very much for all the lessons, articles, and answers – they open my mind and raise many important questions.
I wanted to ask a personal question from a sincere place of inquiry. I feel a strong reluctance to keep the commandments – not out of rebellion, but simply out of a lack of inner connection. I don’t feel like there is a movement or need within me that pushes me to pray, keep Shabbat, keep kosher, etc. Religion feels to me today more like part of the cultural folklore of the Hasidic-Haredi family I come from – atmosphere, holidays, family – and less like a system that I truly understand or connect with.
And yet, there is a side of me that does want to understand deeply, that does want to truly find out. I don’t want to decide my life based solely on momentary feelings or habits, but rather to build something internal, informed, and profound. I’m not sure if I really don’t believe – or if I just haven’t understood enough to believe.
Does the rabbi have any recommendations for study – books, articles, a series of lessons, perhaps even certain thinkers – that could help me systematically build a better understanding of the world of faith, religion, commandments, and even the world of personal values and virtues? I feel like I’ve matured a bit, and I want to start organizing my thoughts and getting closer to the truth – even if I end up reaching complex conclusions.
Thank you very much in advance for your time and response.
Hello.
When you say you're not "connected," it can be interpreted in two ways: 1. It doesn't speak to me. 2. I don't believe it.
The first way is a psychological problem and not a fundamental one. Do it without it speaking to you. The second way is actually a distillation of faith in general. This is too general a question and I don't know how to answer it here. I also can't recommend books because only you know what kind of literature speaks to you.
Thank you very much Rabbi for the answer.
I think what you described as the second option – “I don’t believe it” – is more accurate for me, although there is also a certain touch of the first option.
There is also a psychological element of rebellion in me, apparently, some desire not to feel obligated, or not to feel led without asking. But ultimately, what really bothers me lies in the depth of the belief itself.
I feel like my difficulty is understanding why we believe in this whole story at all. If a significant portion of the stories are based on midrashim, legends, or sources whose historical accuracy is questionable, then what distinguishes our tradition from any other folk tale?
I come from a very closed Haredi background, where there was no room for these kinds of questions – everything was accepted as “Torah from Sinai,” so to speak. There was no access to external ideas or critical thinking, and there was a feeling that any attempt to clarify was already a deviation. It is precisely this feeling that pushes me out – even from the best of tradition – because I lack space to think.
Therefore, it seems to me that my main question is not only what to do when you don't believe, but how to even begin to build faith when the heart asks: Why Judaism? Why not see all of this simply as a system of stories with a grain of truth?
And if there is truth in this – what is that truth?
And in general, the question of divinity: Isn't it simply a deep human need – psychological – to create a "God" who will give meaning, framework, and order to a chaotic world?
I would be happy if the rabbi could direct me or enlighten me, perhaps through a question or direction for thinking.
I think you are being educated on a theology that is too fat, in which I also do not believe. The indication of this is that this belief is based, in your opinion, on all sorts of midrashim and stories, and in my opinion it is not. I do not deal with midrashim at all and do not see any value in them. If you would like to follow the path I propose, there is my trilogy. Its purpose is precisely to lead a person to a sober faith, not on the basis of dubious midrashim and folk tales, and without all the unnecessary additions that have been added to it over the generations. I cannot detail such a broad subject here.
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