A child who is lazy

שו”ת › Category: general › A child who is lazy

asked 6 years ago

peace,
Sorry for the personal question and I completely understand if you don’t answer.
I have a daughter who is deaf and it’s hard for me to accept that. I’m going through a pretty tough time with it. It’s hard for me to formulate a way to cope and a way to relate to her.
Do you have a child who has been separated? If so, how do you deal with it? Is it difficult for you, does it hurt you? How is your relationship with that child? Did you try to convince him to come back? How did you cope, what went through your mind when it happened?

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מיכי Staff answered 6 years ago

I even have two. I don’t agree with them and I’m sorry they made the wrong choice, but I completely respect their choice and accept them and it. Usually, pressure on the child to return leads to a worse result (both distancing from religion and distancing on a personal level), so I don’t recommend them except in very exceptional cases where you have a chance. Usually, after a decision stage, it’s hopeless and not right to continue with it. By the way, in my opinion, in most cases this choice is made more for your own sake and less for the sake of the child (and in quite a few cases to compensate for your own sense of failure, and for how you are perceived by others). In general, if the child chose a different path in my opinion, it’s a kind of success, compared to a child who stayed on the right path (in my opinion) out of inertia because it’s his comfort zone. If he just slipped there and not out of determination, it’s really not a success, but you can’t always tell if it’s one or the other (in most cases it’s a combination). If you are worried about the world to come and its eternal fate, in my opinion it is certain that God, the Blessed One, does not come in trouble with His creatures. If a person is not evil and does not do it for no reason but truly thinks so (or at least it seems reasonable to him), he is a sinner and not punished, and he is certainly not lost and will have correction in one way or another. In terms of your image, this is a valid but completely illegitimate consideration. The child should not act to take care of your image, and you are not responsible for his decisions. If you accept things and respect him, and do not try to hide and avoid the environment because everyone makes their own decisions and you are not responsible for them, you will feel more complete and less stressed and will be able to act more correctly. In conclusion, I highly recommend, both tactically and substantively, to respect your child in whatever path he/she chooses. He/she is a different person and he/she is the one who has to make decisions about his/her path. It is hard to get used to it, and of course you do not agree with his/her path, but that is the situation. Good luck.

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מיכי Staff replied 6 years ago

If you wish, you are welcome to talk to me on the phone or meet. It is very important to resolve this situation and not continue to live like this. And in no way give up on the connection between you. 052-3320543

סיני ועוקר replied 6 years ago

I don't know if it's okay to ask, but what is their point of disagreement with you?
After all, they have probably been exposed to the arguments of the trilogy in their entirety and even more.
Do they disagree with one of your moves? Do they prefer a different value system over the religious one? Do they admit guilt but choose a different path due to pressure (mental/social/moral/other)

Of course, I'm not sure even you know…

I apologize again for the slightly out of place question. If necessary – ignore or delete it.

מיכי Staff replied 6 years ago

They only know the arguments partially. I don't know exactly what their reasons are. In the end, quite a bit is left to one's own evaluation. The arguments don't get you to the end, but only with the help of a general evaluation (of the credibility of the tradition and the premises of the arguments).