A lie for the sake of domestic peace
A man who knows about a husband’s infidelity is asked by the wife about a cover story the husband made up. Is he allowed to back up the false story to maintain peace at home, or is he obligated to reveal the truth, even if it damages the relationship?
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How does this fit with another answer you wrote about sexual blackmail:
Hello Rabbi,
Recently, an article was published about a woman who blackmailed a man by threatening that if he didn't bring her X amount of money, she would tell her wife that she had slept with him (which actually happened). I was satisfied if there was any moral problem with such a threat. After all, a woman has the right to know that her husband slept with another woman. On the other hand, perhaps it could be argued that there was an implicit agreement (a hidden condition) between the man and the blackmailing woman, that their relationship is discreet and should not be told to anyone, and then in carrying out the blackmail threat there is a violation of the condition and plagiarism (disclosing information that is not just yours to a third party). What do you think?
Mikhi Team answered 6 years ago
A difficult question. I don't have time right now, and I'll write briefly from the cold.
Why does a woman have the right to know this? I'm not sure. It's a right that she clearly doesn't have, but maybe there's a point in telling her. On the other hand, as long as she doesn't know, it doesn't harm her. Maybe if she wants to get a divorce anyway, and that could be useful to her – there is a reason to tell. Otherwise, I highly doubt whether it is right to tell.
Even if this reflects a prohibition or a permission, such as informing the husband that his wife has committed adultery (which forbids her from doing so), Ben Nu’yi wrote a very famous answer (si’la) to be content with the matter, and to the conclusion I think he concluded that one should not tell. Although I do not have time to look there now, and I remember that several answers were written about the same case following Ben Nu’yi.
https://mikyab.net/%D7%A9%D7%95%D7%AA/%D7%A1%D7%97%D7%99%D7%98%D7%94-%D7%9E%D7%99%D7%A0%D7%99%D7%AA/
What did you see as contradictory here?
You wrote: “I highly doubt whether it is right to tell”
Well? And here I wrote that I don't have an answer. It depends on the people and the situation. Where is the contradiction?
Oh okay, sorry, I guess I misunderstood.
Perhaps there is a difference between the answers regarding hidden infidelity. In his childhood, R’ Miki, as long as she doesn't know, it doesn't harm her. And in his old age, I think that hidden infidelity harms the peace of the home just as much.
If hidden infidelity and open infidelity harm the peace of the home to the same extent, then it is likely that there is harm to the woman in hidden infidelity in that the reality is not clear and there may be a feeling of guilt about the damaged peace of the home, and so on.
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