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Allegation of near-suicide and PicoN

שו”תCategory: generalAllegation of near-suicide and PicoN
asked 7 years ago

Hello Rabbi,
I wanted to ask, some guy from the yeshiva (17 years old, Haredi from a very closed family) that I know has a difficult past – he was thrown out of all the settings, raped, his parents are divorced, they beat him, sent him abroad on one ticket and so on. He told me that he thinks a lot about committing suicide and he doesn’t see any good future for his life on the horizon, lives in constant suffering and sees no reason to continue living. He wants to kill his parents who don’t talk to him, aren’t willing to bring the family together with him, aren’t willing to talk to him, etc., etc.
Towards the end of this conversation, he suddenly asked me if I was going to take anything out of this conversation and tell anyone. Because after all, he was working on me and was just looking for attention, which is nonsense because he would never commit suicide… and he’s also really happy with his life… in short, don’t tell anyone.
1. Now, I wanted to ask the Rabbi what he recommends I do in this situation? Should I tell the guardian who is responsible for him?
2. Does the rabbi know of any good arguments to make to a candidate in such a situation. What to say to him, what not to say?
 
N.N. It is important to emphasize that he told me that he had been hospitalized for a period of time and was really begging not to go back to the way he was and felt like a drugged person. Even after the conversation, he seemed to be in a pretty smiling state overall.
One thing that I feel certain about is that during the conversation, he really didn’t seem to be lying to me, as if out of the blue and everything, but at the end it seemed like it had gone through some kind of twist, it seemed like he had returned to normal.
I’m pretty lost and don’t know what to do with this situation. On the one hand, he’s begging me not to tell anyone, but on the other hand, I don’t think anyone will take care of him but rather send him to the hospital like they used to.
Can the Rabbi advise? I really don’t know if this is true or not and what to do about it.
PS He also has a lot of questions about faith and he defines himself as a non-believer, does not perform commandments in secret, etc. But I once talked to him about this subject, so today he is only satisfied. In any case, one of the reasons he told me was that he is afraid to commit suicide if there is reward and punishment, etc.


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0 Answers
מיכי Staff answered 7 years ago
It’s hard for me to answer without knowing (and maybe even with knowing). This is really not my field. I suggest trying to talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist to assess the level of danger. There are also organizations that help, by phone and in general, people in such distress and you can try to consult them (maybe they have a counseling service). I know someone who works in such a framework and I could consult with him (if you want, contact me by email). If there is a guardian and you think he understands the matter and won’t complicate the situation further, it is definitely worth updating him. It’s just important to clarify that it’s clear that the consideration of disappointing him by passing things on is not a consideration if you think it’s necessary. At most, you’ll lose his trust and friendship, but there is a duty to “not stand for your neighbor’s blood.” If he doesn’t believe, why is he performing the mitzvot in secret? What prevents him from leaving? If he wants, I would be happy to meet with him.

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פלוני אלמוני replied 7 years ago

Hi,
The same person I meant to say *doesn't* secretly observe mitzvot, he is prevented from leaving because he comes from a very, very closed family from around the Mea Shearim area (and a descendant of one of the most important ones there).
So all his financial, educational and everything comes from that place…

Because he seemed happy enough the day after this conversation, and the next day as well, so I decided not to tell anyone for now and to see how he is for a few more days, if he tells me this again then I will. Anyway, I told part of his past (which he doesn't have such a problem with them knowing this) - to 2 guys who claimed that they would make sure to give him some warmth and respect and understanding.

If that guy agrees to contact you, could you meet with him? The problem is that he is very, very jumpy in his thinking (but not stupid at all) so I don't know if you have enough patience to talk to him.

Thanks for the offer and everything,
P”A

מיכי Staff replied 7 years ago

I said yes.

אורן replied 7 years ago

In my opinion, the fact that he was happy the next day doesn't mean much, and he probably won't tell you again what he already said once (once is enough, why repeat it again). Ask yourself how you would react if you were told that he committed suicide. Will you regret not telling the guardian?
You can tell the guardian in a way that the guy doesn't feel that you told him. For example, ask the guardian to hide the fact that he is aware of the matter, only to start sniffing around himself and push the guy to psychological counseling under the pretext that he thinks he needs it or that he has been feeling more depressed than usual lately or any other false pretext that covers up the source and is not too transparent. If the guy suspects that you told the guardian, you can say that you just asked him to pay more attention to him but didn't tell everything. That way you will still maintain his trust.

אריאל replied 7 years ago

As someone who helped a girl when she threatened to do this and called the police (she actually threatened in text messages), I recommend that you share this with someone close to him. But of course they wouldn't know that you were the one who said it.
Otherwise, if, God forbid, he does it, you will feel very guilty, and that's unpleasant.

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