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Hello Rabbi,
My name is Yechiel and I would be happy if you could help me.
I am currently studying in a Heder yeshiva in the first class. During my high school years, I was quite a loner and wasn’t that interested in prayers, mitzvot, Torah study, serving God, and the like.
At the beginning of the eighth grade, I tried to explain to myself why I wasn’t keeping the mitzvot that much? And that I was pretty lazy? And I came to the conclusion that I really hadn’t considered whether I wanted to continue living like my parents and my family, and I needed to think about it.
I assumed that when I had a foundation of faith that I could truly say I feel and believe in God, I would connect more and it would be easier for me to worship Him and fulfill the commandments with joy.
And truly, that was the case, and I learned a lot of faith, and I think I answered many questions for myself, and I truly, intellectually, think that there is a God and that He created the world and gave us Torah and commandments.
But even then, it is still very difficult for me to keep the commandments (I am not talking about keeping Shabbat and eating kosher, commandments that I have always kept, but rather about prayers, washing of hands, blessings, and all kinds of laws that bother me and I have been lazy about).
It may be because I haven’t kept those commandments for a long time and it’s hard to get back to them, or maybe it’s because I don’t really connect with it and feel it. Although intellectually I think I’ve understood a lot and believe in God, emotionally I don’t feel it and connect less.
I think that further study of faith won’t necessarily help.
I would appreciate advice on what to do from here,
Thank you very much!