Does a woman act according to her husband’s customs?
Rabbi Michael Shalom,
Thanks for the content and the website.
According to Jewish law, after marriage, is a woman obligated to follow her husband’s customs?
If so, what is the definition? Does this include prayer/blessing formulas, holiday customs, etc.? Is it only when there are children, or even before that?
For example, does a Sephardic woman who marries an Ashkenazi man (or vice versa, of course) need to change the way she lights Shabbat candles according to Ashkenazi custom? Should she recite the blessing of food in the Ashkenazi style?
Thank you very much.
Yes, they do, but this is also a custom. It’s mainly about what they both have in common. Her personal things like prayer, she can maintain her household customs if that’s important to her.
Is the lighting of candles and the recitation of the blessing of food considered common to both? Especially in the context of girls/boys. Doesn't this open up confusion?
You can say it in her own way and educate children in the husband's way. But in principle, you can adopt her customs for children in matters related to her.
Beyond that, the question of confusion is not a halakhic question but a practical one. You can think about that for yourself.
What is the more correct and/or beneficial thing, in the Rabbi's opinion, on this issue?
There is no right or wrong here. It depends on what and how important it is to each spouse. If there is an argument that cannot be resolved, it is reasonable to follow custom, that is, to adopt the husband's customs. But if it comes to the point where it is so fundamental and you do not compromise, it says something bad about the relationship between the spouses.
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