family

Rabbi Michi, do you have a source for this permission? A division between affectionate touching and non-affectionate touching?

See any halakhic summary. Even on Wikipedia:
https://he.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D7%A9%D7%9E%D7%99%D7%A8%D7%AA_%D7%A0%D7%92%D7%99%D7%A2%D7%94

“See every halakhic summary. Even on Wikipedia”
Unfortunately, it is absolutely not true. And fortunately, they do not rule on halakhic laws from Wikipedia.

Here is a halakhic summary from the “Kippa” website that is not suspected of being Haredi. And it is the same in many halakhic summaries

Question: Is it permissible for a soldier to return a hand to a female soldier who extends her hand to him, since this is not a form of affection but a form of politeness? And some want to bring proof from Jerusalem (Sotah 3:5) “that the evil inclination is not present for a moment” and therefore it was permissible for the priest to place his hand under the hand of the deviant woman at the time of offering the sacrifice, and so why is it impossible to give a small, brief squeeze? Isn't a soldier in a position considered “busy” with his job and therefore touching is permissible?

Answer:

A. First of all, there is no permission to touch a woman in private. According to the Beit Yosef, according to the Ramban, even touching without affection is forbidden by the Torah, and it is in the name of killing and not passing over (Yod 4:1). According to the Ramban, touching with affection is forbidden by the rabbis, and according to the Shacha, touching that is not of affection is not forbidden by the Torah, even by the Ramban (ibid.). Most of the latter agreed with the Shacha that touching that is not of affection is not forbidden by the Torah. However, there are latter who said that it is nevertheless forbidden by the rabbis (Ezer Mekodesh 6:20), and according to all opinions it is an ugly thing.

B. In any case, it is not clear that shaking a woman's hand is not a touching of affection. HaGrim Feinstein mentions this opinion that this is not a way of affection and lust, but concludes that in fact it is difficult to rely on it (Response to Igrot Moshe, 2008). Likewise, Ben Ish Chai writes that it is a touch of affection (Yosef Chai is also quoted in Otzah, 2008, 3). Likewise, a number of Hasidim forbid a woman from shaking hands with a non-Jew (2008, 311), although it seems to be a custom of politeness, but there is also an aspect of friendship in it. HaGrim Kanievsky, the author of the Yaakov communities, said in the name of the Chazon Ish that shaking hands is like hugging and kissing, and it is a killing and not a passing over (quoted in the book Taherat Am Yisrael by Rav Veshel, p. 44). And so in the response to Mishnah Hilchot (6:23) and the response to Be'er Moshe (4:11).

3. In any case, the Rabbi Ehrenberg was satisfied with the fact that returning a hand is not a way of affection, although it is a way of affection on the part of the one who extends, but perhaps not a way of affection on the part of the one who returns, which is a way of politeness. However, he rejects this opinion, and concludes that it is impossible to be lenient in this, and the woman also intends affection, and then he stumbles her and walks in front of a blind man. He adds that there is no need to feel any guilt, since it is lawful to separate a transgressor from a prohibition, and it is possible that there is guilt in this, as the Maimonides says that if there is no other way, the sinner must be cleansed in order to save him from sin (De'ot 6:8), and indeed we are not in a position to separate in this way, but certainly we cannot help, even if she is ashamed of it.

In general, he writes that it is not said that he shames her, but that she has lost herself and caused herself to be embarrassed. He concludes that the law in practice is that one should not be lenient in any way (Responsorial Psalm of Joshua 2:15). The same is true regarding relatives (Rambam Hilchot Issurei Be'a 21:6).

Question: In light of the words of Rabbi Feinstein that it is permissible to travel on the subway even though it is difficult to be careful of touching, is it permissible to return a woman's hand when she reaches out?

Answer: What does this have to do with it? After all, the Rabbi himself wrote that it is difficult to permit the return of a hand. Responsorial Psalm of Moses 15:15. 4:3 (And once Rabbi Reuven Feinstein asked his father the Grammach: Is it permissible to sell chametz to a non-Jew? And he replied: “There is no disadvantage in selling chametz to a non-Jew, and that this is indeed how they practiced it in Ozda [his hometown], so that it is not a ‘work of the hands’ of a non-Jew to her husband. And regarding shaking hands, ‘either he does not do it, or some Jewish woman does it.’ The tradition of Moses is clear. So it is clear that the Grammach did not permit a woman to shake hands even when necessary.)

Question: If one does not return the hand to the woman, perhaps she will be offended and one must take into account her feelings?

Answer: This does not whiten one’s friend’s face; on the contrary, he himself causes it. For example, a person who is hosted by a friend and is served food that is not kosher, and if he refuses, the host will feel great shame, will that be permissible? Similarly, if a rabbi asks his student to marry his daughter and the student refuses, which causes an insult to the rabbi, will the student be obligated because of that? However, it is forbidden to whitewash one's friend's face by an action that one does and initiates in ”stand up and do”, and not when the other initiates and shames himself by the other not responding to his demand in ”sit down and do not do”.

And a great act of rabbi Yosef the First of Zion who received the Israel Prize and a reception was held for him, and when Prime Minister Golda Meir extended a hand to him, he did not return it, and it was pointed out to him that he had caused an unpleasant situation. He replied: I am sorry, but observance of the halakha comes first. And again in the evening an apology was sent to him (this was also the case when the US President arrived in Israel and Rabbi Yosef served as the Chief Rabbi, and all the rabbis of the country greeted the president at the airport. He shook hands with everyone and then his wife shook hands, and when she approached Rabbi Yosef and offered her hand, he took his hand and put it behind him. She was shocked and immediately those who accompanied her explained to her that rabbis do not shake hands with women. Ma’in Ummar 1v Katsav responds in a note). Indeed, the feelings of those who observe the halakhah must be taken into account.

And once a reception was held for him at the Queen of England’s, and she offered him her hand, but he fell silent and clasped his hands at his sides in front of the entire royal family and television. In the evening an apology was received from the royal family for embarrassing him, and they checked the book of protocols, and it says that the Queen is not allowed to offer a hand to a Jewish rabbi.

Question: Is there no harm to women in the laws of modesty, a kind of hatred, a kind of exclusion? Is there no fear that if religious people “withdraw from the public” and behave so differently, it will distance people from the Torah?

Answer: God forbid. On the contrary, modesty preserves the dignity of women from human instinct. Thus writes Maran Rabbi Kook in the Virtues of Modesty: “The rule of modesty causes many good things in the world and from this it is entitled to reject things that were good in themselves, but since human instinct and weak strength will cause a breach in the rule of modesty, which is the existence of the spiritual and material worlds, the modest person recognizes that it is not because of hatred for sex that he distances himself and sets boundaries, but rather because of the beautiful general purpose.” It is also written in the book "The Embarrassment of the Generation" (“The distancing of modesty from one's neighbor's wife does not come from jealousy and narrow-mindedness, God forbid, but rather from the purity of the soul and the sanctity of the measures and actions. Because, just as the closeness in action and the signs of love are beautiful and beautiful to make family life pleasant and perfect, so when they are directed at a stranger they can spoil family life and its purity. And with our distancing from a strange woman, we love her as a person, and strive for her good”. Ibid., p.’ 104).

Question: So what should one do if a soldier reaches out to him?

Answer: Of course, in all these cases one must act with great wisdom, in order to minimize the shame of the other as much as possible, such as making a polite bow before her to show her that one respects her, and asking for forgiveness for not returning the hand. And about all these cases it is said: You grant a person knowledge.