“If water has worn away stones” or “What is distorted cannot be corrected” – studying Torah at an “extreme” age.
Peace be upon you, my rabbi and teacher.
I graduated from a religious Zionist yeshiva but did not serve in the Hesder track. I enlisted in the Intelligence Corps and have been serving in a particular unit for several years. My service will end in about two years, and recently, in May, I got engaged (I am 23 years old).
Torah is a very significant part of my life; study (especially study) occupies most of my free time, and in yeshiva I was considered one of the best students in the class. However, with the upcoming wedding and building a house in the S.D., the financial burden has become increasingly worrying, certainly after my release from the IDF. On the one hand, it is very important to me to improve my Torah study and develop my abilities in the field. I love studying with every fiber of my being and feel that I also have the potential to contribute to the people of Israel in this regard. On the other hand, total dedication to study will probably not be able to be combined with worrying about the burden of supporting the family and/or acquiring a profession (such as a degree in computer science – a field in which I was also blessed with a certain talent, but its value from my perspective is mainly instrumental and not substantial, and it is also less satisfying for me). Of course, I will try to set times even then, but there is probably nothing to compare it to.
My question is:
Is there a framework that allows you to combine the two? (As I think you once wrote about your studies in the kollel alongside your studies in physics at the academy)
Alternatively – is it possible to return to intensive Torah study after a few years of work (say, at the age of 30)? My ambition is to become a profound and broad Torah scholar, and perhaps, if the Holy One, blessed be He, helps me, to return to teaching in the yeshiva where I studied or in another yeshiva. I should note that my main focus is on the study of the rabbinate, and I am not currently aiming for ordination to the rabbinate – which is more memorization than study, in my opinion.
From your knowledge, does such a scenario seem plausible, or should I choose this field from the start and not lean into other avenues (assuming, of course, that my fiancée agrees to this, with all that is implied)? I also feel that there is a certain arrogance in saying that my Torah study is so important that I am not willing to go out and work, even in fields in which I am talented (and do well in the army).
Thank you for your clear answer,
All the best
Let’s start with the facts. It’s very rare that at an older age, after starting a career in high-tech or in general, a person leaves and returns to school. I wouldn’t count on it.
Beyond that, I don’t think it’s arrogance to value yourself and think that your learning will make a unique contribution. Either that’s true or it’s not. A person has to value themselves correctly. Beyond that, dedicating yourself to learning is relevant even if you don’t have a unique contribution. There is value in learning in itself, not just in contributing new things.
So if you feel that this is where you belong and you really want to grow, I would recommend that you start from the beginning and not postpone it. Even if not full-time, then part-time as much as you can. Although workplaces are usually not enthusiastic about such combinations. Beyond that, you yourself may feel frustrated that you are not progressing enough in both areas (having many jobs). And of course, this should be in agreement with your wife. And of course, it is important to consider the limitations of your income.
I will just add that academic studies can also contribute to your study of Torah and your view of the world in general. This is not just an instrumental value in my opinion. This is what I call ‘Torah in the gabra’.
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