Marriage age
Peace, Your Honor,
I would like to ask you a few questions that concern me:
1. What is the most appropriate/right age for marriage? Is there one?
Tractate Avot states that the marriageable age for men is between 18 and 20:
“Eighteen years old for the wedding, and at the latest, by the age of twenty.”
This is in order to prevent thoughts of transgression, and later it is stated that this can be postponed for the purpose of studying Torah.
In addition to this, according to the Rishonim (I have not found a source for this) it is written that in any case he will not be late after the age of 22 or 24.
2. Is there any mention in the Torah that the correct/recommended age for marriage is 18? Or is there a mention for a different age?
3. How can one determine such an age range, which is most recommended for wedding for the entire population? For we know that the emotional maturity of each person is different and varies for thousands of reasons.
4. What are the offenses referred to when it is written ” contemplation of an offense” ? And are there other serious offenses that are exposed to when in a relationship without marriage?
5. Why is the argument of the mitzvah of “prove and multiply” brought up? After all, if the couple gets married, even if it is at the age of 30, they will still be able to fulfill the mitzvah.
6. I would also like to understand the origin of the prohibition on having sex without marriage between spouses and why it exists.
Thanks in advance.
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- So what are you asking me? Do I think the former are right?
- I don’t know.
- Indeed, I don’t think it’s possible.
- There is a crime of forbidden contemplation. See a review for example here: https://he.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D7%94%D7%A8%D7%94%D7%95%D7%A8%D7%99%D7%9D_%D7%A8%D7%A2%D7%99%D7%9D
- Indeed, it is possible to fulfill the mitzvah without this. But there is a law of the Zerizim of Makdimin that it is appropriate to perform every mitzvah as much as possible.
- The issue is quite complicated. See an overview here: https://www.meshivat-nefesh.org.il/post-6/
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Regarding 1, I would be happy to hear your personal opinion on the matter regardless.
In addition to that, I would also be happy to hear what you think about the Rishonim and what is said in Tractate Avot.
I found another source in Tractate Avot, Chapter 5, Mishnah 21, which states:
“A fifteen-year-old for the Talmud, an eighteen-year-old for the wedding, a twenty-year-old..”
Are we obligated to follow what is said? After all, this is the halakha
My opinion is that this is an individual matter. Tractate Avot is not halacha but recommendations that may or may not be correct, and that too depends on time and place.
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