Twists in faith

In honor of Rabbi Dr. Michael Avraham
Peace and blessings
 
As a person with complexities and complex views on matters of faith, I am interested in and even read your books (especially “God Does Not Play Dice”) and your articles, and try to find some point of support in the religion of our ancestors, but then the following nagging question constantly arises in my mind:
Are we not sinning against the truth when we try to reconcile the reality of God with scientific findings and philosophy, when it is much easier to deny God unless proven otherwise?
I’ll explain where the question comes from…
The feeling is that I’m clinging to something with all my might, and trying at all costs (even at the cost of renouncing religious axioms, of course) to explain God in the face of the flood of information that often contradicts his existence or the messages that are claimed to be spoken in his name…
After all, if we follow the path in which we peel away the husks and cling to the foundation (for example, in general terms, denying the concept of Torah from heaven for the most part as you suggest in one way or another), isn’t the foundation itself invalid as evidence that is partially invalid?? When here it is not partially invalid but mostly!!
I’ll just point out that for me this is what breaks the camel’s back, the very fact that I have to invent a new faith (it’s hard to call it anything else) in order to preserve something that may not exist and doesn’t need my protection… On the one hand, I want it because it will make it easier for me to continue being religious (also inwardly), especially in light of the fact that I’m married and have children, and I wouldn’t want it to fall apart, God forbid.
On the other hand, I’m in a dilemma – is there anything that might convince the convinced? Like me? Or in other words, am I doomed to twist and turn my whole life to justify my religious belief?
It’s important to me not to let go and I’m ready to fight more, I’d just like you to tell me there’s something to it.
Is there any chance that I will get some of the confidence you have when you talk about God? Because I really want it, more than anything else in the world…. It will fix a lot of things in my life, including life itself =)
If so… Anna pointed me in the right direction…
 
Thank you very much in advance for your response.
With great admiration and appreciation
I am the little one.