On a Divine Constellation

For a while now I have felt a strong need to share my thoughts with the Rabbi. Several years ago, I secluded myself, as is the custom of the Breslov Hasidim, and cried out to God out of despair – what do you want from me? What do you actually want from all of us – why do you need this entire world that you created? With all the difficulty and what we are going through here.
And the question kept coming up, what do you want? Until one day, as I wished, I heard a voice (internal, of course) that answered me, I want to exist.
And suddenly everything became clear to me. In the beginning, God was . One. And one without zero. Is he really one? Does he really exist when everything is in him, even the so-called opposite?
Then he had the desire to create an apartment for himself in his underwear, and he is the need for work and the great secret. That without the so-called world, his existence would also contain his non-existence.
And that is why He needs us, praying, calling on His name, fulfilling His commandments, thus the rope is held at both ends. On the one hand, He is one and there is no other besides Him, and the reduction is not as simple as it sounds. And on the other hand, God is one and His name is one, He is King and we are the people, He was, is, and will be.
And what now? After he already exists and we call on his name? Now you have a free choice to choose a life like mine or not. And even more – you can want whatever you want, in secret I will be whatever I will be.
And on this basis he built a constellation of prayer and repentance. Which is, yes, spiritual. I can lay it out here, but many better than me have already laid it out.
I am a student of the Rabbi in many matters. I receive a lot from the Rabbi. Ever since I heard the Rabbi several years ago in a lecture to secular students about the disillusionment with postmodernism, to his wonderful critique of many halachic and thought patterns that definitely require us to do a significant introspection and a Jewish worldview that is much leaner than what is offered today. At the same time, I believe that what I wrote above does not contradict the Rabbi’s words anywhere.
There is no reason why God should not create as if He were coming into the physical world through the spiritual coming of angels and seraphim, and in the same breath, say that creation occurred in a manner of nature and physics and exists in accordance with the laws of physics.
Maybe I’ll dare to throw in a piece of intuition about prayer here. Let’s say I want to convince the rabbi to buy me a toy. So I turn to him and ask. It may be that if I turn to him in a way that he has determined in advance that will be good in his eyes, then he will indeed buy me the desired toy. Thus, God also determined such a constellation in accordance with His laws of nature. In any case – we do not pray for a fetus in its mother’s womb, but permission is given to pray and even answer if we have indeed offended.
Moreover – in prayer we advance the initial divine will – we call on His name. In addition, there is also expressed our war on the other side, who is discouraged from the desire to live – because there is supposedly no point. The desire to live and do is again, so to speak, imposed on us.
The Rabbi’s response would make me very happy.