Public forgiveness

שו”ת › Category: general › Public forgiveness

asked 4 years ago

I’ve noticed that I have a hard time making apologies to certain groups of people (not aiming for a specific connotation, God forbid. I’ll just present the pattern, which I assume can be expressed in any group of people), something that wasn’t there before and is more present in the past year. Sometimes I have a hard time with rants. I have a hard time with exaggerated displays of emotion, which sometimes occur in apologies. Sometimes it feels ‘unreal’ to me – I’ll write why soon.
I’m in my twenties, and I’ve recently come to understand on a deeper level that emotions really do change. I’m a sensitive and empathetic person, but I don’t show it outwardly. I’m aware that not everyone thinks the same way, but sometimes I find it hard to contain the high emotional intensity that others display, especially when I wonder what would have happened if their feelings weren’t like that.
I am writing this because I feel guilty, also because I have expressed my feelings excessively in the past. You are not a psychologist, but I still think you might be able to satisfy me with your answer.
Is this acceptable in our religion?
Are there any great ones in our religion who were like that? (God forbid I’m looking to compare myself to those great ones, it’s just a bit difficult for me to stand out, at least in this respect)
Thanks anyway.

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מיכי Staff answered 4 years ago

I didn’t understand the question. I only saw descriptions of your feelings here. To your question whether it is acceptable in “our religion”, if you mean a descriptive question then obviously it is. There are Jews who express emotions. If you mean to ask whether it is desirable or appropriate, I don’t know. I tend to think that emotions are of no importance except to the extent that they express something cognitive. But there is nothing wrong with that either, of course. Those who have have, and those who don’t have, don’t. As for whether there were such great ones, I assume so (of course it depends on who is great in your opinion). It is said in the Gemara that at the end of the Amidah, he would find himself in another corner of the synagogue (out of sheer enthusiasm, he did not notice this).

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מאיר replied 4 years ago

In fact, I meant that I tend to do the opposite these days.
That is, I express my feelings less in prayer, but rather do what is required by the ‘principle of the law’.
I described my feelings here because I feel less embarrassed describing them here.

I will try to be clearer.
My point was that sometimes I have a feeling of disgust towards those who express their feelings in selichot (and in prayers in general?), in an exaggerated manner. (Like shouting, waving their hands, etc.)
It just doesn't always seem ‘real’ to me.

The thing is, no one has appointed me to judge. And that's why I feel guilty. And rightly so, of course, I don't know what really goes through people who express themselves this way.

The more pointed question is, is there a path in Judaism that follows the ‘principle of the law’? The meaning I am aiming for is, what we have been instructed to do is done in a ‘real’ way. Even if it is too cold.
If I feel the need to express pain, I will express it from a real place and not force myself to express it. (Because that seems hypocritical to me)

And again, I don't want it to be portrayed as a cold person. I am a very sensitive person who doesn't always express his feelings.

מיכי Staff replied 4 years ago

First of all, why “God forbid”? There is nothing wrong with being a cold person.
I answered these questions. It is clear that there is no value in hypocrisy. But even a genuine expression of emotion is of no value to me, unless it reflects a cognitive state. And judging others has no point or value. You don't know what is in their hearts and there is no reason to need it.