Q&A: Permissiveness
Permissiveness
Question
Hello Rabbi Michi,
I read column 227 about the rape (which turned out not to have happened), and I wanted to ask about the apparent hypocrisy of those who cry out while being permissive on the other hand.
You explained that in your view it is hypocritical to promote a permissive society in which sex is free and treated as something trivial, and at the same time to cry out in anguish over cases of rape. I completely understand the problem with that. I only want to ask whether this is not the same logical failure on the other side of the religious map. After all, in Haredi society sex is a taboo—something one does not talk about or even hint at—but on the other hand, cases of rape by family members or important people are hidden. How can that be? Shouldn’t they be crying out, fasting, and putting on sackcloth and ashes over every such case?
An even more important question: according to the Torah, rape is less severe than it is portrayed in modern secular society, but on the other hand obligatory betrothal and free sex are completely out of the question. So why is the penalty only 50 shekels and not more? (As for marrying the rape victim, I understood that, because from the standpoint of educating the rapist that is actually very logical.)
P.S. I would appreciate an answer that might give me some understanding of the Torah’s laws, and not just “because that’s what God decided.” If possible 🙂
Answer
I liked your request at the end. If I have that kind of answer, I always give it. When I don’t, I can say that this is what God decided. So your request really has no meaning. 🙂
I don’t see any contradiction here on the Haredi side. From their perspective, the concealment does not stem from the idea that this is an insignificant act, but from reasons of modesty, Haredi image, and fear of harming the family (marriage prospects, etc.).
As for the Torah’s approach to rape, I’ve already written about this several times (see, for example, column 15). I do not think the Torah is unconcerned about rape. The laws in the Torah deal with the halakhic layer. The moral layer is independent, and there it can be extremely severe. By the way, the moral layer also depends on culture and historical period.