Q&A: Living with a Concubine as a Default Solution for Late Singlehood
Living with a Concubine as a Default Solution for Late Singlehood
Question
Hello, Honorable Rabbi.
I have seen in responsa literature, especially from the period of the medieval authorities (Rishonim), an opening and permission for full conjugal life when it is in the framework of concubinage, taking into account of course the laws of family purity—or the concubine in this case. Even according to those who are stringent and object, can one still hold on to the preference for such a situation over the definitely compromised state of holiness of a single man whose match is delayed, in the sense of “what is the young man to do and not sin”… or from the perspective of “there is no righteous person on earth who does not sin”? And the severity of wasting semen is great, especially when it is in the form described in the Torah—that is, outside a woman’s body. And in general, perhaps the state of being single in our generation falls under the category of coercion? Etc., etc., along with the other considerations and anchors relevant here. I would appreciate in advance an orderly presentation, from a practical perspective and as lenient as possible, for after all it is better that they be inadvertent transgressors—or act with permission—than deliberate sinners, etc. Thank you.
Answer
It is difficult to permit conjugal life without marriage, since on the straightforward reading this is against Jewish law. True, there are those who wrote a permission regarding concubinage (such as the Yaavetz), but the topic is quite unclear. It was discussed by Zvi Zohar in his controversial article (and a very problematic one) in Akdamot, and see Rabbi Shmuel Ariel’s response on the matter (I believe it was not published in Akdamot, but it can certainly be found online). I assume you can find materials and surveys online.
But there is also a general consideration here that I do not understand regarding the background of your question. If this is a permanent relationship—then why not marry according to Jewish law, rather than live through a mechanism of concubinage, which is certainly not the proper halakhic path? And if this is a casual relationship—then this is not concubinage, and it is certainly forbidden.
In short, I do not see a way to permit such a thing, unless there is some special situation I have not thought of.
“It is better that they be inadvertent transgressors” is not relevant at all to a question like this, because I assume you are not expecting me to mislead you so that you will sin inadvertently. If you are asking, then you want to know, not to remain inadvertent.
Discussion on Answer
Maybe this could be a solution for a kohen and a divorced woman.
https://www.akshiva.co.il/%D7%9E%D7%A2%D7%9E%D7%93-%D7%94%D7%90%D7%99%D7%A9%D7%94/%D7%9B%D7%94%D7%9F-%D7%95%D7%92%D7%A8%D7%95%D7%A9%D7%94-2/
Among divorced men and women who have already fulfilled “be fruitful and multiply,” there are sometimes conditions that make it hard to establish a new relationship. The children do not always take well to a new partner. It is bad enough for them that their parents got divorced—now they also have to get used to new people? If someone wants to have another child with a new partner, then in any case he is going to live with her, so that is not a consideration. But if both sides do not want to have a child (or can no longer have children), it is more comfortable for them to remain in a romantic relationship than to expose it to the children and ruin the fragile coexistence that was created after the divorce. In that situation I would not dismiss the claim that this is a pressing circumstance, and to give them an opening with Nachmanides’ approach (however much it was not generally ruled as Jewish law).