Q&A: Sandak
Sandak
Question
A question for my friend:
My friend is a Jew who observes Torah and commandments, but his father is a non-believer (their relationship is completely normal, like any father and son).
His wife is pregnant, and he would like his father to be the sandak. He wants to honor him; like many people, he wants his father to be the sandak for his first son. Is there any halakhic problem (or any other problem) with this? Is it recommended? He heard that the baby takes character traits and other things from his sandak; should that be taken seriously or not?
Answer
There is no halakhic problem with having any kind of sandak, because a sandak is not really a halakhic institution at all. But it is customary to feel that one should not appoint an unworthy sandak. I do not believe in mystical influences passing from the sandak to the child, and perhaps the basis of the idea is the effect that giving the role of sandak to such a person has on the people involved. I think that if there will be unpleasantness, there is no reason to be stringent about this.
Discussion on Answer
With God's help, 11 Elul 5782
Rabbi Meir Mazuz was asked whether one should honor a grandfather who does not observe Torah and commandments with serving as sandak, and he replied: “I saw a good suggestion (in the name of Rabbi Ben-Zion Abba Shaul of blessed memory), that even if the sandak does not observe Torah and commandments, nevertheless the one who holds the baby’s legs should be a Torah scholar and God-fearing person, and that is the main thing. See also Responsa Rav Pe'alim, part 2 (Yoreh De'ah, end of section 35), and examine it carefully” (Makor Ne’eman, part 3, section 926).
In the previous section, Rabbi Meir Mazuz was asked: who takes precedence for serving as sandak, a well-known righteous man or the grandfather? And he replied: “The grandfather is preferable. ‘Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,’ and this is also honoring one’s father!”
With blessings, Menashe Barkai Buch-Trigger
I seem to recall reading about a case where they instructed the grandfather on condition that he keep that particular Sabbath, and afterward he continued on his own to keep “many Sabbaths.”
Rabbi Michi, why is a sandak not a halakhic matter? After all, there are laws concerning those involved in the circumcision ceremony (they are permitted to get a haircut / eat meat during periods when it is otherwise forbidden, etc.).
EA
An unworthy person is someone who is not a good role model. Morally or religiously.
Meir,
There are also laws that concern relieving oneself, so should we conclude from that that not everyone is allowed to relieve himself? Halakhically, there is no need to appoint a sandak, but if for some reason someone decided to do so, then the sandak is considered one of the celebrants and the relevant laws apply there (by the way, mainly customs).
To the distinguished commenter,
It’s nice to discover that Torah scholars also have a sense of humor. I would have told him to make sure that a person who studied tractate Temurah gives him a gift in the two days afterward, and then the sandak can be anyone at all. Alternatively, let a well-known Torah scholar clean the baby’s ears.
As you too are known to have a sense of humor, I would have expected you to explain to the other readers as well that this is a joke.
With God's help, 13 Elul 5782
The idea of holding the legs is not just a matter of grasping them, but of actually assisting in the act of circumcision. The holding helps the mohel, and therefore it is a significant part of the sandak’s role. That is why appointing a God-fearing “leg-holder” is a solution when the sandak himself is not such a person.
And especially in light of what the local rabbi wrote, “perhaps the basis of the idea is the effect that giving the role of sandak to such a person has on the people involved” — if one specifically appoints a God-fearing person to one of the sandak’s functions, there is at least some partial rescue in that.
And I will note that I know of a person who established for himself a presumption over this commandment, and at every circumcision in his community (which is not small at all) he comes in order to hold the baby’s legs.
With God's help, Sabbath eve, and “My covenant of peace shall not depart from you,” 5782
Kohelet spoke well in saying that holding the legs of the infant being circumcised at the time of the circumcision is a real assistance to the act of circumcision, and “go and write this down for us,” and as Kohelet said, “Guard your foot when you go to the House of God.”
With blessings, S. S. Sinai
This year I was honored for the first time in my life with serving as sandak for my grandson Sinai-Michael (who was named after his grandfather Professor Michael Zand), and then it became clear to me that the main thing is the wide spreading of the baby’s legs. Emotionally this is not a simple task for the sandak, because spreading the legs causes the baby distress, perhaps more than the cutting itself, which is “as quick as an utterance,” and I would be very glad if they would honor someone experienced in this action, which requires “firmness and sensitivity.”
With God's help, 13 Elul 5782
And the local rabbi also spoke well in saying that the distinguished commenter has a great deal of sense of humor.
With blessings,
Shemaryahu Shlomo HaLevi Kanafi, known as Ami'oz Yaron Schnitzler
What do you mean by an “unworthy sandak”? Unworthy ethically? Or is even a non-believer considered unworthy?