Q&A: Selichot
Selichot
Question
Hello Rabbi,
I wanted to ask about a few thoughts that came to me while saying the exhausting selichot over the past week.
First, in my feeling, for sins between one person and another, saying selichot is not helpful, and it would be better to go to the person who was hurt. And for sins between a person and God, I don’t really feel a need to apologize. Meaning, if we were thrown into this world with this set of urges, you can’t expect us not to sin; and if we sinned too much, then we’ll be judged for it. So what does forgiveness have to do with it?
And in general, for some reason, going to the synagogue and seeing older people in tears so they’ll be forgiven for all kinds of trivialities seems to me like a very embarrassing ritual.
Also, is saying selichot a halakhic obligation? If I feel, as a yeshiva student, that the day after selichot will be significantly less effective, is there room to be exempt from saying selichot?
And also, does the Rabbi know of any work that explains the essence of repentance in a clear and reasonable way?
And lastly, if we say that the Sages established, let’s say, the recitation of selichot as a halakhic obligation based on the understanding that God is supposed to and wants to forgive us, and I deny that understanding, am I bound by their ruling?
Thank you.
Answer
Saying selichot is a custom, not an obligation. If you don’t identify with it and you’re saying them only with your lips, there is no point in it at all. It’s a waste of time. Regarding sins between one person and another, the selichot do not come instead of appeasing the other person, but in addition. As is well known, for sins between one person and another you need to appease the other person, but also to repent.
I don’t know of a good work that explains the essence of repentance, although I don’t see why an explanation is needed here. Overall it is very simple. A person sinned and needs to do some soul-searching and correction in order to gain atonement. There is Orot HaTeshuva by Rabbi Kook, if that kind of genre speaks to you. I have an article on the two paths of repentance (search for it here on the site), if that genre speaks to you.
As stated, there is no halakhic obligation to say selichot, so the last question does not arise.
In general, it is certainly appropriate to use these days for soul-searching and to decide on corrections and changes at the relevant points. Whether you do that by saying selichot or without them is not very important.
Discussion on Answer
The Holy One, blessed be He, commanded us not to harm another person, so if you hurt your friend, you also harmed the Holy One, blessed be He. Therefore, beyond appeasing your friend, repentance toward the Holy One, blessed be He, is also required.
As for Orot HaTeshuva and Rabbi Kook’s writings, I tend to agree. That’s why I wrote with reservations. Simply put, as I wrote, there is no need for explanations at all. If you sinned, you need to carry out the four stages of repentance: abandoning the sin, regret, resolving for the future, and verbal confession. That’s all, and the rest is commentary (or invention).
Why aren’t selichot obligatory? Doesn’t a custom have binding halakhic force?
Yes, the force of custom. But obviously there is no value in mere speech.
I understand the need for soul-searching, I understand the need to take on behavioral corrections, etc.
I just can’t understand where the Master of the Universe comes into this whole story. Meaning, if I hurt my friend, I’ll ask him for forgiveness and take it upon myself to be more careful in how I treat my friends—how is the Holy One, blessed be He, connected to the matter?
As for Orot HaTeshuva, I’ve heard too many classes from too many rabbis over the past month on the same words, and it’s very impressive to see how each one manages to pull out of the book things nobody would ever have imagined. The book is full of abstract and strange concepts that I don’t understand, and I doubt whether anyone really understands them.
And regarding saying selichot, is there no halakhic obligation even for reciting the Thirteen Attributes?