Q&A: Be Fruitful and Multiply
Be Fruitful and Multiply
Question
Hello Rabbi. My name is Tamar. We are a couple, both 37 years old, parents of 3 sweet daughters, ages 12, 7, and 4.
My husband claims that according to Jewish law we are "obligated" to have another child because we have not fulfilled the commandment to be fruitful and multiply. I personally do not want more children, because: a. This is the family size I always dreamed of. b. I am not interested in another pregnancy, nursing, and child-rearing in the near future.
I should note that I am committed to Jewish law. I fully observe the commandments.
I am happy with my family as it is now. I personally do not want another child. My husband also, on his own, would not want another child if not for be fruitful and multiply.
In your opinion and halakhic understanding, according to Jewish law are we obligated to try for another pregnancy?
Answer
Hello Tamar. There is room to be lenient if this is a matter of postponement, because the timing is not currently suitable. But in my opinion, canceling it entirely is not halakhically possible until you have a son and a daughter. After that, there is still the commandment of "shevet" ("He did not create it a waste; He formed it to be inhabited"), but there there is more room for flexibility. Dreams can change. After another child is born, you may discover that it is not such a bad dream, even if it is not identical to the old dream. Think whether you would give up one of the girls you now have (that is what would have happened if your dream had happened to be for two children).
All of these are, of course, consolations after the fact, but I think they have real substance. First and foremost, there is the halakhic obligation.