Q&A: "A person must keep very, very far from women"?
"A person must keep very, very far from women"?
Question
Hello Rabbi,
It is written in the Shulchan Arukh (Even HaEzer 21:1): "A person must keep very, very far from women. And it is forbidden to gesture with his hands or feet, or hint with his eyes toward any of the forbidden sexual relations. And it is forbidden to joke with her, to act frivolously in front of her, or to look at her beauty"…
How is this law observed nowadays?
For example, I study at a university together with men and women. We attend lectures together and prepare together for exams. Naturally, normal friendships develop with the other male and female students. Sometimes we have to submit an academic assignment and split into pairs, so there is personal communication between the project partners. The relationship is of course matter-of-fact, without touch or improper thoughts, heaven forbid, but friendly and collegial.
How does this fit with the Jewish law that "a person must keep very, very far from women"? Or does it not fit?
Answer
This is not Jewish law but a recommendation of the Shulchan Arukh that is not relevant to modern society. In section 240 as well, he has recommendations that everyone understands are not relevant. Put your mind at ease; everything is fine.
Discussion on Answer
You check the sources. What has no halakhic basis is not Jewish law.
Are immodest conversations also included in the leniency?
https://www.kipa.co.il/%D7%A9%D7%90%D7%9C-%D7%90%D7%AA-%D7%94%D7%A8%D7%91/1156475-1/
Such conversations are inappropriate, and probably are also included in the obligation to keep away from forbidden sexual relations.
What about the answer itself? Do you think it crossed the line between the psychological and the halakhic, and opens the door to transgressions?
I didn't understand.
In the link I gave
"You check the sources. What has no halakhic basis is not Jewish law."
But what are we supposed to do when the commentators on the Shulchan Arukh bring sources from the Talmud for his words in this section?
Halakhic sources? Not recommendations and not aggadic passages.
Additionally: are these agreed-upon sources?
So nowadays is it permitted to look at girls who are not dressed modestly? Is it permitted to joke with girls? Is it permitted to hint, to wink? I would appreciate some clarification.
In principle, what is forbidden is whatever may lead to improper thoughts. Normal and reasonable conduct by mentally healthy people is permitted, including laughing with women. And the Ritva already wrote at the end of Kiddushin that it all depends on what kind of person he is.
By what criterion do we determine which statements are actually "Jewish law" and which are only recommendations?