Q&A: Kindness
Kindness
Question
Hello Rabbi. I took part in an argument with friends about the meaning of kindness. For example, if a friend asked me to bring him a glass of water, and it is just as hard for me to bring the glass of water as it is for him to bring it, at exactly the same level, and maybe it is even harder for me, is there any value in bringing it to him? Without taking into account external considerations such as that I shouldn’t harm myself or let myself be a sucker. The question contains two parts: is this the commandment of kindness written in the Torah, and is there moral value in such a thing?
Answer
There is no difference between the question of whether this is kindness and the moral question. There is no commandment of kindness in the Torah as such (there is a commandment to lend). On the face of it, there is no reason for you to bring him the water. However, if he is tired, then even if you are tired to the same degree, if you nevertheless bring it to him, that is certainly an act of kindness toward him. But obviously you can argue that he should bring it himself, since you are tired. There is no obligation here at all, but if you do it, it is certainly a nice act. If he is just being lazy and not tired, then in my opinion there is no value in it.
Discussion on Answer
Obviously he prefers that someone bring it to him. So what? There is no reason at all to give a person something he prefers just because he prefers it. Only if it is hard for him is helping him an act of kindness.
Is giving money to a rich person an act of kindness? He would prefer to have more.
What does “being lazy for no reason” mean? People usually do things for a reason (I’m not talking about freely choosing evil, or choosing not to choose, etc.). Most likely, if he asks me, that means it is hard for him.
So I am asking whether kindness is this sort of idea: when something is hard for the other person, I help him, and when something is hard for me, the other person helps me (that is the value of kindness, and a person should consider it from an altruistic rather than utilitarian perspective, even though the value itself is utilitarian), or whether a person should really act for the sake of the other without considering how useful it is and whether it is harder for him than for the other person.
Personally, I think that “and you shall walk in His ways” points me more toward the second option, because it is intuitively clear to me that the Holy One, blessed be He, would give the glass of water. But that begs the question.
What does the Rabbi think? I couldn’t understand his intention from the previous answer.
And of course the question does not include external considerations, such as that it is not right to help a bad person, or not right to let another person take advantage of you.
I’ve said all I have to say.
What does “just being lazy” mean? If he asks, that means he would prefer that someone bring it to him, and I agree that he’s not acting properly and that maybe it’s best not to help a bad person, but that is an external reason. Really, the question is whether goodness and kindness are connected to a utilitarian situation—namely, that it is right for the world to work such that when something is hard for me, people help me, and when something is hard for others, I help them—or whether one should do kindness for the sake of kindness. Just because it is good to benefit others, regardless of whether it is hard for me, even harder than for them.