Q&A: The Value of Excellence versus Concern for Spirituality — a Difficult Dilemma
The Value of Excellence versus Concern for Spirituality — a Difficult Dilemma
Question
Hello Rabbi.
I would like to seek advice about a question I’ve been struggling with a lot.
I’m a young woman, and I’m now beginning my academic studies in computer science.
I was recently discharged from military service, where, thank God, I was very careful to maintain myself as a religious soldier, and in fact I greatly solidified my worldview. I see the center of my life as Torah and the service of God.
Now, as I come to choose my life path, my spiritual place, and “what does God want?”, that has risen to the top of my priorities.
I have the option of studying at “prestigious” universities such as the Technion, the Hebrew University, Bar-Ilan, and the like.
I struggled a lot with whether to study there, or דווקא to study in a religious place (Machon Lev).
In the end, after much deliberation, I decided to study at Machon Lev this semester, thinking that if I change my mind I’ll transfer in the second semester.
Thank God, the environment here is very good. There are very good girls here, a pleasant and homey atmosphere, and even midrasha classes from time to time. There’s no doubt that it’s enjoyable to be in a framework whose foundation is an atmosphere of fear of Heaven, and I’m very happy about that!! And also—I do have the thought that maybe it will be easier for me to find a match who is more God-fearing at the level I want (though you can’t know. But even just in the sense that my own spiritual aspirations will rise and remain that way…)
And the studies are at a high level (apparently somewhat less than at the universities, but they still challenge me…)
On the other hand, I still have a feeling of missed opportunity (unfortunately), that maybe I made a mistake by not choosing to study at the Technion and the like. After all, that is considered much more significant later on in the job market. And people also don’t look so favorably on colleges, and recommend not studying there from the outset. Also—I am considering an academic future, and this could be a disadvantage and a difficulty (although I understood that it may be more connected to your GPA than specifically to the institution’s name, but still there can be difficulties and they may require a much higher average, etc.)
In principle, I feel that intellectually speaking (if I were to disconnect the spiritual consideration) choosing Machon Lev over such serious universities is not a rational choice. And I know it’s a major concession, and there’s a very ambitious side of me that wants to excel and open as many doors for myself in life as possible. I also know that I have a very strong backbone, and that I manage and protect myself well even in secular settings (and I saw that in the army).
I’m aware that at a secular university I would enjoy myself less socially, and I’m also worried about the crazy workload, and maybe also that it would be too hard for me, because apparently it’s even more intense there (though it’s also very intense here), and I don’t want to be completely a “slave” to my studies in the coming years. I have other important things to be involved with, such as building a home, etc.
When I think about God’s will and the spiritual aspect—it’s hard for me to think that God would withhold my reward or cause me to succeed less just because I chose a more Torah-oriented place, so long as I make the necessary effort and try as I should. And I know that this period before building a home, when I’m just beginning my life, is important and meaningful. And also—I really am doing well!! And it’s very hard to make a change and transition now… but I’m afraid that maybe this was the wrong decision, and that maybe I’ll continue feeling this sense of missing out, that I didn’t choose the “more excellent” track.
I would be very happy to hear the Rabbi’s opinion on the matter.
And sorry for the length…
Thank you very much!
Answer
Hello,
Of course I can’t give concrete advice, because only you know how important this is to you, what your system of considerations is, and how much weight each consideration has for you. I’ll write a few comments that you can take into account.
Let me begin by saying that I don’t believe in metaphysical calculations that take into account what the Holy One, blessed be He, will or will not do. A person should act according to his own considerations and make his calculations in a rational and sensible way. Those calculations should of course include professional success, fear of Heaven, good company, and so on—but all of those are considerations in themselves, not in order for the Holy One, blessed be He, to do or not do something.
I don’t know what the level is at Machon Lev, so it’s hard for me to say what is preferable.
As for an academic career: a. It does not depend on where you studied for your first degree. It depends on your success in advanced degrees and postdoctoral work, on publications, and recommendations. The place where you studied for your first degree is almost of no importance. b. You should know that an academic career is almost impossible, and I would not build on it. The number of positions is tiny, and there are many very talented people competing for them. Of course I don’t want to discourage you, and it is certainly possible and worthwhile to aspire to it, but I would not make very major concessions for its sake (unless it seems to you like something very fundamental and important for your life).
I very much believe that choosing a place of study should be done on professional considerations alone, and the social environment is secondary. Certainly if you have experience dealing with such situations. After you’ve chosen a place, only then is it worthwhile to maximize your Torah study and connection to it as much as possible.
And to conclude: there was a young man with me in yeshiva (a Haredi yeshiva for newly religious returnees) whose parents pressured him to go study in academia. He came to the head of the yeshiva, who told him that in his opinion it would be better for him to go to university with his heart in the yeshiva than to remain in the yeshiva with his heart in the university (feelings of guilt and regret). I’m telling you the same thing. If considerations of fear of Heaven will produce in you feelings of regret and missed opportunity that will accompany you later, that may carry a higher price than going to a place that is less suitable in terms of fear of Heaven.
The Torah was not given to the ministering angels, and we are meant to act across all areas of life.
Much success, and may you go from strength to strength in Torah.
Discussion on Answer
The midrasha is also perfectly fine.
I’ll note that as someone who had a similar dilemma, if Bar-Ilan is on the table, it’s a very recommended option. I don’t know what it’s like in the midrasha there, but at least in the Higher Institute for Torah they give you the option to devote a lot of time to Torah, along with suitable spiritual guidance (and the social atmosphere in the degree program is presumably different from other places, even though it’s not like Machon Lev).