Q&A: "If Stones Wore Away Water" or "What Is Crooked Cannot Be Made Straight" – Torah Study at an "Advanced" Age
"If Stones Wore Away Water" or "What Is Crooked Cannot Be Made Straight" – Torah Study at an "Advanced" Age.
Question
Peace to you, my rabbi and teacher.
I am a graduate of a Religious Zionist yeshiva, but I did not serve in the hesder track. I enlisted in Military Intelligence and have been serving in a certain unit there for several years. My service will end in about two years, and recently, thank God, I became engaged (I am 23).
The Torah is a very significant part of my life; study—especially in-depth analysis—occupies most of my free time, and in yeshiva I was considered one of the stronger students in the class. The problem is that with marriage and building a home approaching, with God's help, the financial burden is becoming more and more worrying, certainly after my discharge from the IDF. On the one hand, it is very important to me to keep developing in Torah study and to cultivate my abilities in that area. I love learning with every fiber of my being, and I feel that I also have the potential to contribute to the Jewish people in this respect. On the other hand, total devotion to study will most likely not be compatible with carrying the burden of supporting a household and/or acquiring a profession (most likely a degree in computer science—a field in which I have also been blessed with a certain talent, but whose value for me is mainly instrumental rather than essential, and it is also less fulfilling to me). Of course, even then I would make every effort to set fixed times for study, but naturally it would not be comparable.
My question is:
Is there any framework that makes it possible to combine the two? (If I remember correctly, you once wrote about your years studying in kollel while at the same time studying physics in academia.)
Alternatively—is it possible to return to intensive Torah study after several years of work (say, at age 30)? My aspiration is to become a profound and broad Torah scholar, and perhaps, if the Holy One, blessed be He, helps me, to return and teach in the yeshiva where I studied or in another yeshiva. I should note that my main focus is in-depth analytical study, and at the moment I am not aiming for rabbinic ordination studies—which, in my view, are more memorization than learning.
From your experience, does such a scenario sound realistic, or should I choose this path from the outset and not turn to other directions (of course assuming my fiancée agrees to it, with all that that implies)? I also feel that there is a certain arrogance in saying that my Torah study is so important that I am unwilling to go out and work, even in fields in which I am talented (and doing very well in the army).
I would be grateful for your clear reply,
All the best
Answer
Let’s start with the facts. It is very rare that at an older age, after beginning a career in high-tech or in general, a person leaves and goes back to the study bench. I would not build on that.
Beyond that, I do not think it is arrogance to value yourself and think that your learning will make a unique contribution. Either that is true or it is not. A person needs to assess himself correctly. Beyond that, dedicating yourself to study is relevant even if you will not make a unique contribution. There is value in study in and of itself, not only in contributing new ideas.
Therefore, if you feel that this is your place and you truly want to grow, I would recommend starting with it from the outset and not postponing it. Even if not full-time, then partially, as much as you can. Admittedly, workplaces usually are not enthusiastic about such combinations. Beyond that, you yourself may feel frustration that you are not advancing enough in either field (a jack of all trades). And of course this has to be with your wife’s agreement. And of course it is important to take your financial limitations into account.
I will only add that academic studies can also contribute to you in Torah study and in your outlook on the world generally. In my opinion it is not only of instrumental value. That is what I call “Torah in the person.”