Q&A: Discouragement and Torah Study — Advice from Keter
Discouragement and Torah Study — Advice from Keter
Question
Hello and blessings, honored Rabbi, and happy holidays,
A certain amount of time after entering yeshiva, quite a few guys go through a small “crisis” (I myself am among them at this stage, and that’s why I came here), and I’ll explain.
(If this issue weren’t dramatically harming my learning, I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, but that is not the case, and I assume I’m not the only one. And since our rabbi has been occupied for years with increasing Torah study, and especially with spreading the wellsprings of the Talmud and lomdut, perhaps the Rabbi will see this as something worthwhile and be able to help. If the Rabbi feels he has nothing to say about dilemmas like these, I have no problem with the question being deleted.)
In short, a person arrives at yeshiva with enormous aspirations and detailed plans. Within a few years he’ll become the Steipler, if not Rabbi Akiva Eger…
A few days — or a few months, in other cases — are enough to reveal the painful truth: you will never be Rabbi Akiva Eger, and not even much less than that either (not even a maggid shiur or someone who answers questions in some anonymous yeshiva, for that matter).
At this crossroads there are various lines of thought and a lot of frustration. I’ll mention one or two of them, and I’d be very glad if the Rabbi has something to say — both to encourage me and to help my learning, so that the Torah should nevertheless not depart from my mouth.
At this stage, what does one do in order not to grow slack in learning, and to succeed in learning and growing and accumulating knowledge and skill and everything that is needed?
[And it’s not as if there is no love of Torah. There is both a natural and simple love, and also a love that comes from value-based reflection on the Torah and its study — a letter from God in our empty world (tzimtzum in its plain sense). That is, it is clear to me that there is value in every bit of study, and of course it is also a commandment, but that is not a strong enough engine to keep someone in serious yeshiva learning — someone who is not content with tired attendance at the study sessions and reasonably good learning whose whole aim boils down to basic familiarity with the world of lomdut before “going out into life.”]
What is the value of years of intensive Torah study in yeshiva if in the end you won’t be a Torah scholar, if you won’t be among the greats? Is there any chance that you’ll come up with something they didn’t discover?
And another thought — maybe still yes? If you really invest over time, is there a chance that something will come of you? That you’ll become a Torah scholar who brings something into the world? Who will innovate something in Torah?
And more personally, if you were born with decent intellect, but definitely not with rare speed of comprehension, and you don’t have exceptional genius — is it still possible that something can come of you? Is this game rigged from the outset?
I’d be glad if the Rabbi could give a tip or two.
Thank you very much, Rabbi. May the Rabbi and his household have a holiday full of joy and God’s blessing.
With the joy of Torah,
your humble student
Answer
Hello.
I would not look down on learning whose purpose is to acquire tools of lomdut and then move on to another career. That is completely fine, and I do not see any problem with it. On the contrary, if you are not truly connecting to it, it is not worthwhile to stay in yeshiva too long (set yourself a boundary and a goal ahead of time). Many leave yeshiva too late, and then it is already very difficult to develop another meaningful career, which is a shame. On the other hand, after you leave yeshiva and move into life, still try to produce Torah insights and to learn at a good level in the time you can devote to it (and not be a pious fellow pecking around a daily Talmud page lecture with self-sacrifice). I think that almost anyone who aspires to it can add new insights and contribute. And if alongside that you work in a field where you have added value and in which you feel satisfaction, it seems to me that your Torah study too will be better and more satisfying. The battle to remain in full-time Torah study longer and longer is usually harmful and unnecessary, even though there is certainly room to appreciate it.
Discussion on Answer
Rabbi, when you wrote, “The battle to remain in Torah study longer and longer is usually harmful and unnecessary, even though there is certainly room to appreciate it,”
you meant only within the yeshiva framework, right? But after yeshiva (say, in a framework of studies/work plus that daily Talmud page, let’s say), I think that presumably it’s not completely accurate..
By the way, Student,
I once heard from a relatively older yeshiva guy (though in a sort of half-Religious-Zionist yeshiva, so take it in context of the sector) who had known quite a few generations of students, and he came to the conclusion that those people whom they tried to keep in yeshiva by force — their future outside was not always spiritually bright…
And I think he meant that for some people there is some sort of “peak point” in terms of what you absorb from yeshiva, and your staying there — if you pass that point and stay longer, it does not always help.
That is why there are upgraded yeshivot that try to attach a wife to the guys at a certain age too, because we hold that “a wife is a wall.”
But I’m not really grounded in these matters; I just wanted to add to the Rabbi’s words things I felt or heard. (You can also distinguish between pressure from the yeshiva and pressure from the student himself to “sacrifice himself.”) Admittedly, these are under the law of very small numbers here. Whereas the Rabbi, on the other hand, was also a ram for many years…
K,
It seems to me it wasn’t clear enough that this is more of a “Hanukkah crisis” (though it came early, in Elul) of beginners, and not the dilemma of a kollel student or of an older guy in thirteenth-year shiur. I started a hesder track, and I don’t see myself leaving before the end of sixth-year shiur (and I would want much more).
** Deleted (M.A.) ***
Student, indeed that was not clear to me. If this is a local crisis in first-year shiur, I don’t see what the question is. One should try to progress and continue. A similar crisis at the end of fifth-year shiur is something else, and that is what I wrote about. Of course, if you are unable to get out of the crisis and it becomes more permanent, you should reconsider your plans.
The claim that you will not be Rabbi Akiva Eger is, in my opinion, irrelevant, so long as you are realizing your own potential. Each person and his own “letter.”
I just started first-year shiur. I’m not running away that fast… 🙂
And as I said, I do connect to it, and I came in order to try to become a Torah scholar.