Q&A: A Discussion with Someone Who Thinks Differently from You
A Discussion with Someone Who Thinks Differently from You
Question
Hello and blessings, Rabbi Michi!
How is it possible to have a discussion with someone who thinks differently from you?
Let me explain myself.
At work I tend not to express my personal position on various issues. But today, for example, I found myself arguing with someone and explaining my view that sitting in a kollel all day is not a solution, and that a person needs to acquire an education, because otherwise we may find ourselves with a public leader whom people come to with questions about illnesses or similar matters (take Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky during COVID regarding how the yeshivot should conduct themselves as an example) — and that's dangerous. Because maybe in Torah they will be giants of Torah, but in the real world, on practical questions, they won't have a clue.
And he answered me that if Torah learners stop learning for even one day, the whole world will be destroyed. And that Torah protects and saves, and everything is in the Torah.
Does a discussion like that lead anywhere? How can you argue with someone who is sure that he is above you and that he is holding up the world?
Answer
In practice, usually you can't. People like that aren't really listening (to tell the truth, most people of all outlooks aren't really listening). If you happen to be lucky enough to meet someone who is willing to listen, devote time to it, and think about the matter, you can ask him where he gets those assumptions from. And when he brings you sources from the Talmud or the medieval authorities (Rishonim), you can ask how they knew. And if he claims they had divine inspiration, you can ask why there are quite a few mistakes in the Talmud (in the scientific realm this can be shown more easily). Beyond that, even if Torah protects and saves, that certainly doesn't mean everyone has to learn all day. If they devote three years to military service, or a year and a half as in the hesder framework, and learn the rest of the time (and while they are serving, those in other age groups will be learning), that will protect no less. And certainly all those who don't learn are not protecting us — neither through learning nor through military service. As for the claim that everything is found in the Torah, I already told my friends in yeshiva, who wondered why I was going to university to study physics, that the answer is twofold: 1. If physics too is in the Torah, then why should they care that I study Torah at the university? Does the place make the difference? 2. And with all due respect, if they can help me find a solution to the Schrödinger equation for a rotating potential well or to the dynamics of topological defects, I'd be happy to make use of them and stay all day learning Bava Kamma in yeshiva. Moreover, the next time they have a medical problem, they should do us the favor of consulting the head of the yeshiva and not going to a doctor, since the head of the yeshiva can find all the answers in the Torah. So far no one has come to me with that information, and I haven't heard of people giving up going to the doctor.
Of course all these arguments, and others, are well known and worn out, so I am very skeptical about the chances of being heard and changing anyone's position. Among many Haredim (and not only among them), faith is a kind of sectarianism (they belong to a sect), and in sects there is no room for critical thinking.
You equipped her with many arguments relevant to this particular debate, but the question is more general: how do you argue with someone who thinks completely differently from you?