Q&A: Shaking Hands with a Woman
Shaking Hands with a Woman
Question
Hello Rabbi!!
What is your opinion, from a halakhic perspective, about shaking hands with a woman? Is there room to permit it in certain cases, etc.? I’m in an extended family where hugging and kissing is customary, and it’s very awkward to stand off in the corner. And what should I do in a case where a hand is extended for a handshake? Can I even initiate a handshake?
Answer
My practice is to shake hands if, in my assessment, not doing so would embarrass her. If she understands and is considerate, I’m very happy not to shake hands. If everyone knows that you don’t do this not because of something against them, but because of Jewish law, I don’t see a problem with it. Certainly if you can make that clear to them.
In the background there is the issue of forbidden erotic thoughts. If it is clear to you that no forbidden thought will be aroused, then there is room to be lenient. And with regard to female relatives, that is usually the case nowadays.
Discussion on Answer
Why specifically that as a Torah prohibition? How is a menstruant different from the other forbidden relations and a married woman?
When I was in the U.S., some rabbi from Monsey who taught me (ultra-Orthodox in the strictest sense) explained that the prohibited touch is affectionate touch—not relevant in situations like a cashier returning change or a handshake, which is a formal act.
It seems that especially in professional meetings with non-Jewish women, one should weigh the weak reasoning for forbidding it because of “touch” against desecration of God’s name. Does this fit with “your wisdom and your understanding in the eyes of the nations, who shall hear all these statutes and say: Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people”?
What about the prohibition regarding a menstruant? Most women nowadays are menstruants, and that is a Torah prohibition, isn’t it?