Killing innocents during wartime

I read your article in "Tzohar" 14, " The Problem of the Relationship Between the Individual and the Whole and the 'Defensive Wall' Dilemma – with Reference to Articles Published in "Tzohar" 11-13 ". How do you understand what is written in the verses "The women and the child… you shall despise" in contrast to the males? Can we learn from this that in a defensive war (not against the Canaanites) the permission (and obligation) to kill is only for the males, but not for the women and the child (even if they are all a persecuting public) and furthermore that this is also proven by the act of Shechem, where only the males were killed, and therefore it is impossible to prove from this act.