Q&A: The Morality of Same-Sex Relationships
The Morality of Same-Sex Relationships
Question
I previously heard an argument (I think it was Prof. Moshe Koppel who raised it) that one can say the problem with same-sex relations is that in this way, essentially every person becomes for every other person a potential partner for the gratification of desires. Consequently, a situation would arise in which friendship and platonic relationships would disappear entirely from the world (this, of course, assumes that when a person sees sexual potential in another person, a genuine platonic friendship between them is impossible).
Do you think this argument really presents a moral problem?
Answer
That is both untrue and not a moral problem. There are completely platonic relationships also between people of the same sex. On the contrary, by reasoning alone it would seem they have this more. Heterosexual couples connect because of social pressure and in order to have children. Among homosexual couples those motives do not exist (and therefore it is more likely that they connect because of love).
Discussion on Answer
Michi,
what do you mean by the term “love”?
Homosexual couples connect for the same reason friends connect: mutual enjoyment, that is, interests—emotional ones, admittedly, but still interests. There is no such thing as “love”; there is a desire for pleasure, and if the other person supplies that desire/need, you “love” them.
Dawkins is right: we are egoistic. Even when a person does good for you, his motive is to do good for himself, emotionally—always, and when possible also in the physical world.
This website too—you run it because it enriches you, contributes to you, gives you pleasure; if you suffered because of it, you wouldn’t continue.
Assertive talk like Dawkins’s is no substitute for arguments. This is a baseless assumption, though a common one. See Column 120. Examples of acting out of pleasure, even if they are correct (and your example is really not necessary for several reasons), prove nothing. Clearly we also act out of pleasure. The question is whether that is always the case, especially when it comes to activities that have value significance.
Beyond that, love also gives value to the lover. There is a lot to analyze about this. But this is not the place.
Or the opposite: thanks to familiarity with gay men and lesbians, who create platonic friendships with members of their own sex without any problem, heterosexual men will learn that it is possible to relate to women as human beings too, and not only as sexual creatures.