Question

The story of our forefather Abraham, and by extension of all of us, begins this week. It is commonly accepted that our forefather Abraham not only changed his own way of life in a drastic way, but also influenced others to undergo similar processes. How did all this begin? What did Abraham use in order to create a spiritual revolution within himself and in the whole world? The answer is found in the well-known Midrash Rabbah.
“A parable: to one who was traveling from place to place and saw a certain building lit up. He said, ‘Could it be that this building has no one in charge?’ The owner of the building looked out at him and said, ‘I am the owner of the building.’ So too, because our forefather Abraham said, ‘Could it be that this world has no one in charge?’ the Holy One, blessed be He, looked out at him and said, ‘I am the Master of the world.’
And I saw in one of the commentators there that the intent is not that the Holy One, blessed be He, revealed Himself to him and said this, but rather that Abraham arrived at this recognition on his own, that the Holy One, blessed be He, is the Master of the world. As Rabbi Natan Bar Chaim sharpens the point, the whole process began with asking a question.
Similarly, we find in the midrash at the end of the portion of Noah that Abraham would speak with those who came to buy idols in his father’s shop and would ask them confronting questions, thereby shaking their false belief and opening a door for them to arrive at and recognize the truth, faith in one God.
See the power of a question. One question that a person insists on investigating to the very end, without evading it or brushing it off, can change our whole life, or someone else’s.
And yet we prefer answers over questions. Especially when it comes to one of the more frightening things—change—it is very easy for us to repress the questions that arise, or to quickly find an answer or excuse. We like to close things up. The Sages already told us that there is no joy like the resolution of doubts. It seems there is something about the ambiguity that doubts or open questions create that causes us discomfort and undermines our sense of security. And if someone else asks us hard questions, then all the more so! Add to that issues of ego and the feeling that we are being attacked and must defend ourselves at all costs, even at the cost of truth and personal growth.
In order to explain to you why it is still worth making the effort to overcome our psychological barriers, I want to present to you a taste of the tremendous potential in this tool of asking questions.
There is a common expression: a question opens, an answer closes. A question opens many avenues of thought for us. One question can receive several answers. A good question can lead to a more fruitful discussion than an answer, after which there is not all that much left to discuss.
And now from another angle. Think about an everyday situation in which Reuven tells Shimon about the rough day he went through. Shimon listens and afterward tells a similar story that happened to him once.
There are two ways to interpret Shimon’s intention:

1. Shimon is showing empathy and understanding for Reuven’s situation, and even giving him the feeling that he is not alone, since this also happens to others.
2. In the context of the topic being discussed, Shimon finds an opening to talk about himself in order to arouse sympathy from the other person or to win praise; only because he is polite did he wait for Reuven to finish before telling his story.

How do we distinguish between these two situations, which outwardly look very similar? We check whether Shimon asks Reuven questions. If he does, that is a sign that he is interested in Reuven’s story and wants to understand it better. If not, then apparently he is listening in order to respond, not listening in order to understand.
Let me jump with you to another type of interaction: psychological therapy. Anyone who has studied one of the therapeutic professions or experienced therapy personally knows that psychologists ask lots of questions. There are several reasons for this.
At the most basic level, asking questions is a technical tool for drawing out information, and in essence this is no different from a doctor or a plumber, who also begin their work by asking questions. Beyond that, what we said regarding any human interaction—that asking questions is a way of expressing interest and caring, and thereby also creating or strengthening an interpersonal bond—is true here as well. And the bond created between therapist and patient is a critical part of the treatment process.
But even beyond that. When a therapist asks questions and does not give answers, there are two statements here. One is humble: “I don’t have the answers.” And one is empowering: “You have the answers.” Think about the fact that many patients come in with low self-esteem, either as the root of their problem or as a side effect of it. And so the therapist empowers the patient and strengthens his sense of capability. That means that even before there are answers, the healing process has already begun.
I think the value of questions is a well-known Jewish principle. This is a message that is sharpened on the Passover Seder night. On the Seder night, not only do we tell the story of the Exodus from Egypt through questions and answers, we also encourage asking questions that have no answers. For example, we remove the Seder plate from the table so that the children will ask. And if they ask, what will we answer them? We removed it so that you would ask?! We have no answer beyond that. The moment they asked, we achieved our goal.
It is difficult, but possible, to deal with the psychological barriers I mentioned earlier. We need to repeat and internalize the power of questions and their ability to advance and develop us. Likewise, we must choose for ourselves a useful and growth-promoting perspective. We can choose whether to see a question as a threat or as an opportunity.
We are descendants of our forefather Abraham. Let us also be among his students, and raise the sharpest questions and not give up until we reach the truth. In this way we will change our own lives, and perhaps also our surroundings and the whole world.