Q&A: Sabbath and Jewish Law, a Regular Rabbi, a Newly Religious Girl
Sabbath and Jewish Law, a Regular Rabbi, a Newly Religious Girl
Question
With God’s help,
Hello Rabbi,
I wanted to ask you a question in Jewish law and a bit beyond that. I think you probably don’t like dealing with this kind of question, but still.
A girl, around 11th grade, is becoming religious and growing up in a secular home where everyone in the house is on screens on the Sabbath. She suffers from symptoms of depression and suicidal thoughts (she secretly cuts herself, without anyone knowing, after people thought she had stopped, etc. On weekdays, not on the Sabbath because, in her words, that would be Sabbath desecration).
Because of the coronavirus situation, she is at home in lockdown with the whole family under one roof, and it’s hard for her because of the loneliness and the thoughts… She wants to leave the television on from Friday night throughout the entire Sabbath day. (I assume we’re talking about a secular channel, with noise, appearance concerns, and all that.) On a normal Sabbath she is with friends, at Bnei Akiva, etc., so she normally isn’t forced into this.
What does the Rabbi think about this at a time like this? Permitted? Advisable? Forbidden?
Also, she is looking for a regular rabbi. Today she sees herself as part of the Mizrahi public (as I understand it, more of a lay religious style), so presumably this would be through the internet and phone. Does the Rabbi know someone like that?
With blessings and thanks,
K.
Answer
Hello,
It’s hard to answer without knowing the details of the case. In general, if there is concern for her life, then clearly this can be permitted. In any case, it’s very important to refer her to a psychologist, preferably a religious one. As far as I know, it is permitted to go to a psychologist even during the coronavirus days, and from what you describe it seems to me very urgent.
I don’t know whom I am supposed to know. She is supposed to choose the rabbi she asks and consults with. If she feels part of the Sephardi public, it’s worth looking in those circles. If she wants to speak with me by phone, she is welcome to. 052-3320543
All the best, and much success.
Discussion on Answer
Excellent.
Thank you,
As I understand it, she sent you an email or something a little while ago. I’m writing this so you’ll be able to connect the dots.
By the way, right after I sent this to you I came across the post “Halakhic leniencies in the days of coronavirus and their downside,” and the questions there are really, really somewhat connected to the present case. But I don’t know her or her situation. And from the little she told me, it seems strange to me to say that the situation there is worse than the situation here. As you noted there regarding danger to life.
Understood. We’re in touch.
Hello Rabbi,
(It should be considered whether it’s worth deleting this message after you read it), but I just spoke with her now. It sounds like she wants to call you, but on the other hand she has a strong aversion and fear of calling. Even so, she is planning to do so in the next few minutes.
Her main fear is that the Rabbi will judge her, and as if “even a rabbi isn’t willing to understand me,” and then that will “really finish me off”; “I’ll be done for.” “And I’ll understand that there’s no chance I’ll find someone willing to listen.”
I don’t think the situation is suicidal at an immediate level, but it’s clear that there is some enormous pain here, to the point of self-harm in order to relieve it.
Everything is fine. We spoke.
Alright, thank you very much. I sent her the email. She has an aversion to talking on the phone. I assume that also means that on a subconscious level it’s much more open…
Of course, if things are as she says, she needs to involve a psychological professional and her parents should know about it, but she doesn’t want to share it with her parents because she feels it causes them unnecessary pain, and they don’t know how to deal with her feelings the way she expects. Instead of containing it, etc., they treat her like she’s crazy and take away her freedom.
I really don’t know their circles at all, and she herself feels Religious Zionist, and an organization like Hidabroot, for example, is too Haredi for her. In the Religious Zionist world, belonging to sectors is more blurred.