Q&A: Question Regarding Marriage
Question Regarding Marriage
Question
Hello Rabbi,
I’ve been dating someone for a few weeks already, and overall you could say I’m over the moon, but she told me that she does not intend to immerse in the mikveh (even without an attendant) because it is psychologically very difficult for her. I tried talking to her about it, and it seems this is something deep-rooted, connected to issues from childhood… I don’t know if I can live with this, and I don’t know if I intend to break up with her just because of that. Is there no way to be lenient because of a psychological condition? She said she would prefer to refrain from physical contact for life rather than go to the mikveh, and I understand that this is something extremely hard for her. I don’t think this is just a lack of connection to this area of Jewish law; she is usually very halakhic.
Thank you
Answer
There is no way to live with someone who is not willing to purify herself in the mikveh. If there are psychological issues, it would be advisable to consult a psychologist (preferably a religious one, though that may not be necessary). One can consider solutions such as immersion in the sea, but beforehand it is necessary to learn how to do this properly.
See, for example, here: https://www.ynet.co.il/articles/0,7340,L-4556936,00.html
Wishing you much success.
As far as I recall, there are solutions to these kinds of problems. I recommend getting in touch with Rabbi Yoni Rosensweig; he deals with issues that seem to me to be similar.