Q&A: How to Argue Without Emotions?
How to Argue Without Emotions?
Question
Hello Rabbi. I wanted to ask: how can a person discuss things objectively, without getting dragged into an emotional argument? Many times I don’t manage, because I get angry at the distortion. For example, when I hear Haredi rabbis blurting out slogans like “Judaism is the opposite of Zionism” or similar pearls of wisdom. Any advice?
Answer
I don’t really have any advice, because advice that deals with emotion suffers from the same problem—it too is advice about how to relate emotionally. I can only suggest maintaining awareness that things need to be discussed on their merits, and practicing that.
By the way, there is nothing inherently wrong with your being angry, but the discussion should focus on the arguments and not on the anger. Sometimes there is no point in discussing things, because we are dealing with nonsense that is not worth discussing, and with people who in any case won’t listen, so there is nothing to discuss with them. In that case, go ahead and be angry to your heart’s content.
Discussion on Answer
Anger is bad when it affects behavior and thinking. The emotion itself is just an emotion, and as such there is nothing wrong with it.
I don’t understand, Rabbi— isn’t anger a bad thing? Of course it’s not good to repress it, etc. etc. But I think a person should aspire not to get angry, even during arguments. So I don’t understand on what basis the Rabbi said, “There is nothing wrong with your being angry, and go ahead and be angry to your heart’s content.”