Q&A: Being Motzi Others Through Someone Who Does Not Believe in God
Being Motzi Others Through Someone Who Does Not Believe in God
Question
Hello Rabbi,
I am a graduate of a yeshiva high school and a hesder yeshiva, now in my mid-forties. Over the past month, with a heavy heart, I have reached the final conclusion that I do not believe in God or any higher being whatsoever (after a long process, and not as a curiosity or a crisis). I have no interest in provoking, preaching, or convincing others, and at this point I also have not shared this with a single living soul. I continue to observe most of the practical commandments, and I do not publicly desecrate the Sabbath or publicly violate any prohibition at all (at least until I update my wife and children).
I feel that I need a little more time before I “open this up” to my wife, and of course at a later stage to the children, the rest of the family, etc. I avoid serving as prayer leader, and that also will not draw much attention, since I do not usually serve as prayer leader very often.
I would be glad if there were some way that I could continue to be called up to the Torah, because it is a bit uncomfortable for me to refuse, and the harder problem is kiddush on the Sabbath. My son who is over 13 does go to synagogue and pray the Friday night service, but my spouse and my daughter over 12 do not pray. Even when I believed, and I suggested to my wife or daughter that they make kiddush themselves, they were never interested in doing so. My older son also does not want to make kiddush.
Is there any halakhic way the Rabbi can think of (regarding being called up to the Torah or kiddush), or is there "no wisdom, no understanding, and no counsel against the Lord"? If I have no choice, I will try to put it on my older son, but that will definitely arouse suspicion, and as stated I prefer not to shake up the household right now (there are many reasons not to, including my spouse's health). Is there any possibility of joining a zimun? (It is less common that there are three of us, but presumably it will happen.)
What about giving a Torah thought in synagogue? Should I avoid that?
Thanks in advance
Answer
It is hard to put oneself in another person's shoes, but my intuition says that it is proper to update your spouse and make decisions together. You have a partnership that also includes raising children, and even if you try to proceed along the path that was agreed upon when there is no real inner basis for it, that is felt, and so there is also a bit of a breach of the contract in that. That does not mean you must repent because of that contract (if you do not believe, then you do not believe. You should repent because that is the right thing, but that is a different discussion), but the partnership requires openness.
You cannot be counted among those called up, nor serve as prayer leader, nor make kiddush. You cannot discharge anyone's obligation because you are not subject to the obligation yourself (see my article on causing a secular Jew to transgress).
The same applies to zimun. However, I do not see any problem at all with your saying a Torah thought in synagogue.
I very much appreciate the honesty and decency you are showing, but unfortunately I do not see any other straightforward path.
Discussion on Answer
Seemingly, if you do not believe, why do you care what Jewish law says? After all, according to you this is nonsense. Meaning, on your view there is no such thing as discharging someone's obligation through the Torah reading, so what exactly is the question? It should only be a question for the people on the other side whether they may call you up to the Torah, etc.
To Yishai — that is why I began by saying that I am not being provocative and not trying to convert or persuade others. I respect those who believe, and I do not want to deceive them and cause them to think that they are discharging their obligation through me when, according to their view — that is, Jewish law — I cannot discharge it for them. This is a moral issue, not a faith issue. Even if the Rabbi had said that I can discharge the obligation, and I heard that a given person is stringent for himself on this matter, meaning not to fulfill it through me, I would respect that and refrain — just as I would respect someone and not serve him food that is kosher according to my view, while knowing that according to his view it is not kosher (or at least I would inform him).
There was a Torah reader I knew who, after many years, decided that he did not believe. He asked the rabbi whether he should continue reading from the Torah. The rabbi gently answered him that he should not.
Rabbi, can someone who observes all the commandments, major and minor alike, not discharge others' obligation because of a lack of belief? But is there not a problem in that this is a Jewish law that cannot be checked, because it depends on each person's heart — somewhat like saying that one publicly desecrates the Sabbath specifically because it is public…?
Also, the question arises regarding a person who has the tiniest doubt that maybe it is possible that everything is true — say, a 0.00000001 percent chance that Judaism is correct — and on that basis he would discharge others' obligation. Would that help?
And what is the Rabbi's view of Halikhot Shlomo, Tefillin 15? According to Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach's view there, in a case like the questioner's, would it be permitted for him to discharge his family's obligation? I uploaded photos of the two pages:
https://i.imagesup.co/images2/d9d3015df1c12125829818526efa3ae08a5b2175.jpg
https://i.imagesup.co/images2/439b8743d13263e463056fe3bb41af9b5514314e.jpg
No reasoning can be checked in that sense. If so, there are many such laws. And even whatever you can find in the sources, in order to apply it to the case before you, you need reasoning.
Someone who does not perform a commandment cannot discharge others' obligation. That seems like simple reasoning to me. And that he is not performing a commandment also seems like simple reasoning to me, and I discussed that and its sources in my article on causing a secular Jew to transgress.
This is not a question of the intensity of the doubt. In my opinion, everyone must have some doubt, and anyone who says he has none is simply lacking self-awareness. The question is what you decide after the doubt, and that depends on you. If, from your perspective, the decision is that there is a God and there is obligation to the commandments, then you are a faithful Jew and can discharge others' obligation, etc. And if you decide not, then not.
At the moment I cannot read the files you sent. If you want to summarize something here and ask, I can respond.
Assaf, hello. I did not understand how you reached the conclusion that you do not believe in God or in another entity, as you put it. How can one know with certainty that no spiritual entity exists if it cannot be seen with the eyes? At most one can say maybe it does not exist. One can feel it with certainty through the soul within us in a life shaped by Jewish law, and I wrote a book about this, published by Ivrit, called "Who Am I, the Human Being." I would be glad for your response, and if you would like us to discuss it privately, I will write my email and phone number.
Your spouse's health concern requires gradual and gentle disclosure of the situation. You can start by bringing up doubts that have been nesting inside you, and only slowly expose the situation as it really is.