Q&A: A Moral Question
A Moral Question
Question
Hello, honorable Rabbi. I am a twenty-five-year-old young man, the only son of my mother (my father passed away about a year ago). Since his death, little by little I have lost faith in the words of the Sages and the prophets, and perhaps also in the Torah. I am very torn about what to do. If I leave religion, my mother told me she would rather die. But to remain religious when I do not really believe means acting a part my whole life. More than that, all my life I have studied, and I am considered an outstanding young man, a genius, and thoroughly knowledgeable in the entire Talmud. Even if I were to leave learning and remain religious, it would be very hard for my mother, and people in my community would also look at me very negatively. On the other hand, I do not know whether I can live my whole life pretending, and raise children that way. I have already been doing this for several months and it is terribly hard. As a perceptive person with much knowledge, wisdom, and experience, what is your opinion on the matter?
Answer
Hello, Moshe. First, perhaps we can talk about these things. If you are still open to hearing, and you come to accept faith in some sense, that could solve the problem.
If not, I think there is no choice but to gradually and carefully let your mother know about the situation. In stages. Maybe it would be better through a relative or a friend of hers. It is impossible to live a whole life as a lie, and certainly not to build a home that way.
Discussion on Answer
From the question it sounds like there is a connection between the father's death and the loss of faith. If that is true, then the approach to the issue should be on the emotional-psychological plane and not on the intellectual plane.
Meaning, offer warmth and love, and everything will be fine? 🙂
That is the accepted educational approach. But what can I do if it raises my temperature (and less so my love)?!
Moshe, I did not see that you responded again.
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Honorable Rabbi, I would be glad to talk about these things at any time. I believe 100% in God, but with the Torah I struggle a lot. My mother knows the situation; it is just important to her that I not leave religion openly (it is not so important to her what I believe in the privacy of my own heart)