Q&A: Advice
Advice
Question
Hello, honorable Rabbi,
I’ll try to explain as much as possible.
I’m a yeshiva student, and I’m wondering whether or not to visit my family—in this case, my aunt—and here are a few issues: 1. It would presumably involve neglect of Torah study. 2. I heard that my great-aunt is coming, and I don’t know whether I’m allowed to look at her (and my aunt herself is also not especially modest in the way she dresses). 3. The family itself is secular. 4. I won’t have much to do there, because mainly they just want to see me—but if I don’t come, maybe my mother will be a little upset or sad; I’m not sure it matters that much to her, but to my aunt it matters more.
In addition, I’m worried about being home alone, but I’m also afraid to go there, so I haven’t decided. If you can help, I’d be glad.
Answer
Hello.
I think you should continue to stay in touch with your family. The fact that someone dresses immodestly is not a reason not to come, especially if she is your aunt, and I assume she will not arouse forbidden thoughts in you. That is true both from the standpoint of honoring one’s parents and from the standpoint of proper human treatment of family. Yeshiva students have a tendency to act in a mechanical way that supposedly fits fear of Heaven, at the expense of common sense and basic human consideration. It is very worthwhile to be careful not to get dragged into that. “Do not be overly righteous, lest you become desolate.”