Q&A: Request for Advice
Request for Advice
Question
I very much appreciate your views and outlook. I live in the Haredi community, am married and a father of children, and I feel that the only religious outlook I can hold onto—the only sane one—is something like yours.
I’ll ask two questions:
A. In my opinion, Judaism as you present it cannot endure in a community over time. If we look at ideas from an “evolutionary” perspective, it seems to lack survivability.
Most people’s motivation for holding onto religion is the sense of security that someone is looking after them, a sense of justice, apocalyptic goals, and the experiential side of religious feelings. Your religion offers almost none of that.
Your religion provides refuge for intelligent people who were pushed out of the general religious circle. It is not something that can sustain itself. It is cold, dry, and intellectual, relatively speaking.
Of course, that does not mean it isn’t true.
Do you agree with me that it is impossible to maintain a community and educate generations in this way?
B. “One benefits from his counsel and wisdom”:
As stated, I live in a Haredi community, and I believe that the vast majority of its outlook and ideology is falsehood and deception.
A “thinner” theology is not accepted in our circles, as you know. Any independent position, whether stringent or lenient, is met with contempt, rejection, and disgrace. Therefore I feel that I cannot “realize” my Judaism where I live.
What would you recommend that I do?
Answer
A. I tend to agree. Even so, since in my view this is the truth, I say it. I do not believe in sacred lies (see my column 21 on this).
B. I have no advice. In non-Haredi religious communities it is possible to express opinions more freely. Maybe you should move to such a community.
Discussion on Answer
It’s not true that it’s impossible, only that it’s difficult. There are other aspects of the Torah that are difficult to uphold. Maimonides already writes at the beginning of chapter 10 of the Laws of Repentance that the path of serving for its own sake is difficult and not easily grasped, and therefore the path of children and women is to serve not for its own sake. We are required to be wise and mature and to serve for the right reasons, not because of an illusory religion.
Really, please don’t exaggerate. I’m Haredi and live in a Haredi area, and I have no problem expressing different opinions (even if I don’t really expect them to be accepted).
And even if that’s how it is in your environment, I don’t understand your great need to voice your opinions to people who don’t hold like you.
Very interesting. I don’t understand what is preventing him from expressing his views here.
I’d suggest sharing with friends, one at a time, and hearing opinions and explanations… but what will that get you?
In any case, there’s nothing like the truth, and if you have something to convey to your community—do it. What do you have to lose? It’s allowed to consult… after all, you don’t intend to go against the current or against the Torah anyway—right?
Among other things, I’d suggest sending a letter containing the content of your “views,” phrased as questions or as understandings and objections about this and that, and ask that the rabbi speak about it in his sermons… that way he won’t know that you’re the one asking!
So what have you done already? And will you do as I suggested?
Don’t live a lie—because every person has a purpose and a mission. Where in Jewish law does it say that asking questions is forbidden?! I’ve neither seen nor heard such a thing. You need to know how to ask, but aside from that—it’s absolutely permitted, and even obligatory, so that your soul can be at peace within you! One who studies and understands is not like one who studies and does not understand! (studies = repeats = reflects = delves deeply…)
In light of what you wrote in answer A: is it possible that the Holy One, blessed be He, gave us a Torah that cannot be sustained in practice (on a communal level and across generations)? That strikes me as an absurd idea. Don’t you think such a conclusion points to an error in the approach?