Q&A: Honoring One’s Father and Mother
Honoring One’s Father and Mother
Question
Greetings and blessings,
It is explained in the Talmud, Hullin 110b, that a religious court does not compel fulfillment of the commandment to honor one’s father and mother, because its reward is stated alongside it.
Rashi explains as follows:
"Because its reward is stated alongside it — 'so that your days may be lengthened' (Exodus 20). Therefore it explains that its reward is stated alongside it, meaning that if you do not fulfill it, this is your punishment: that you will not receive this reward."
It sounds like there is no obligation to honor them, but rather a commandment with a reward — that one can gain long life — and if not, then he simply will not receive it, and nothing more. According to this, there are many practical implications regarding two prohibitions, as follows:
A. If a father asks his son for something that falls under honoring him [I understand the commandment of honor as something separate from the prohibition against degrading, which applies to every person; rather, there is a commandment to honor, meaning there are three states: (a) degrading, (b) neutral, (c) honor], is the son obligated? And if he refuses, does the son violate a prohibition?
B. If the son refuses, does the father violate "do not place a stumbling block"?
I would be glad to know the Rabbi’s view.
Thank you.
Answer
I didn’t understand any of this. Especially not the connection to the introduction.
Discussion on Answer
I wasn’t able to fit the question into one message — continued.
There is a practical difference whether the commandment of honoring is an obligation or optional, regarding two things: A. Does the son violate a prohibition when he does not honor them? [I understand the commandment of honor as something separate from the prohibition against degrading, which applies to every person; rather, there is a commandment to honor, meaning there are three states: (a) degrading, (b) neutral, (c) honor.] B. When the son refuses to honor, and the father knows that he will refuse, does the father violate "do not place a stumbling block"?
My question is whether it is an obligation or optional.
What is an obligation or optional? I don’t understand what you want. There is a commandment to honor parents. You’re asking whether it’s obligatory? Why wouldn’t it be obligatory? It says, "Honor your father and your mother." In short, I don’t understand what you want or what your opening has to do with it.
It is written in the Torah, "Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be lengthened." One should examine whether a religious court has the power to compel a son to honor his father. It is explained in the Talmud, Hullin 110, that the religious court does not have the power to compel, because regarding every positive commandment whose reward is stated alongside it, the earthly court is not enjoined concerning it. As it says there: "They brought a certain man who would not honor his father and mother, and they bound him. He said to them: Release him, for it was taught: For every positive commandment whose reward is stated alongside it, the earthly court is not enjoined concerning it." Rashi there explains, with emphasis on the end of the verse — "so that your days may be lengthened" — that the punishment for not honoring one’s father or mother is that he will not receive long life. That is, there is no punishment here for violating a prohibition; rather, it depends on the son: if he wants to gain more years of life, then he should honor them, and if not, that is his loss. As he writes: "Because its reward is stated alongside it — 'so that your days may be lengthened' (Exodus 20). Therefore it explains that its reward is stated alongside it, meaning that if you do not fulfill it, this is your punishment: that you will not receive this reward."