Q&A: A Secular Boyfriend and a Girlfriend’s Family
A Secular Boyfriend and a Girlfriend’s Family
Question
Hello!
I would be happy if you could answer two questions that are on my mind:
1. What is the ruling in a case where a boyfriend who does not observe the separation of meat and milk asks me for something dairy after he has eaten meat / while he is eating meat? Should I offer it to him as well?
2. My girlfriend’s family is completely secular. Some of the main utensils in their home have not been immersed in a mikveh. We didn’t have time to immerse all of them—what should I do when I stay there on the Sabbath? I know it could hurt them if I eat on disposable dishes..
Thank you in advance!
Answer
- It is preferable not to give them together. When there is some time gap, however small, one can perhaps be lenient, since it is a rabbinic prohibition.
- If this is a long-term relationship and the problem will come up again several times, it is better to explain the need and offer that you will immerse the utensils yourself (at least your own). Does she herself not observe the commandments? If so, it is better that she make the suggestion. In a situation of great necessity there is room to be lenient (because there are several doubts regarding the immersion of different utensils, and also whether the obligation is on the homeowner or the guest, etc.).
Discussion on Answer
Ishay,
A rabbinic prohibition is more severe than a Torah prohibition.
Whoever transgresses the words of the Sages is liable to death…
According to your approach, whatever was not cooked together used to be permitted—meaning, people would eat cheeseburgers because it wasn’t cooked together?
Moshe,
This is not my personal approach. It is straightforward Jewish law.
With a cheeseburger, one has to discuss it from the angle of a solid hot food item. The claim is that a solid hot food item cooks, so a hot hamburger that you put cheese on cooks it.
When it is together, it is a rabbinic prohibition, because by Torah law only what was cooked together is forbidden (though there is room to discuss the issue of a solid hot food item). And that is assuming he is eating meat and not poultry.
When there is a time gap, there is a dispute among the halakhic decisors whether there is a rabbinic prohibition. In the Talmud no such prohibition is mentioned, only a story about someone who waited.