Q&A: How Far Do Commandments Go? | Love
How Far Do Commandments Go? | Love
Question
Peace be upon you, Rabbi. I wanted to ask: people say that one should invest in commandments sometimes to such an extent that it becomes easy to develop mental health problems. For example, and especially commandments such as "Love your fellow as yourself"—a commandment that sanctifies giving to others—but up to what point? When does "love" already become unhealthy people-pleasing that erases the person fulfilling the commandment and turns him into a bitter person on the one hand, or into someone nullified and degraded on the other? I see many patients, people, and also in my own personal case, who feel gloom around the fact that because of investing in this commandment they reach a situation where their own will and what is good for them is constantly set aside… which, as stated, leads to difficult feelings on a daily basis and even depression.
Thank you.
Happy holiday.
Answer
I don't know how to set general lines. It is clear that when it reaches harm to mental health, you have crossed the proper line. The rule is that your life takes precedence over your fellow's life. If there is a more specific question, it can be discussed.
Discussion on Answer
No problem. If he is controlling, put him in his place politely.
Thank you very much, Rabbi.
Suppose in a situation involving the commandment of honoring one's parents: very often there are situations where parents need boundaries to be set for them, since the parent behaves in a controlling way. I know both from my personal life and from other people that they find it hard to set boundaries and rebuke a parent out of fear of violating the commandment of honoring one's parents.
Thank you