Question

Hello Rabbi,
I agree with you that there is a Creator of the world.
What is not clear to me is the claim that the Torah is the mode of communication He chose in order to tell us what He wants from us.
I think there are several ways the Creator communicates with us:

1. Conscience guides us morally; the Hebrew word for conscience is related to the word for “compass,” something meant to give direction.
2. Feelings: sometimes we feel that something is right or wrong and can’t explain rationally why.
3. Our purpose: everyone has something they are good at, and people know whether they are doing the right thing for themselves or not. Someone who does not fulfill his purpose feels a lack of meaning and falls into depression.
4. Karma: sometimes when we do the wrong thing, we get some kind of blow to wake us up.
5. Sometimes we think about something before it happens, like an old friend, and then suddenly he calls us.
6. Sometimes we pray to receive some kind of signs, and sometimes we do receive them, but they are always open to different interpretations in order to preserve free choice.
7. Sometimes, when we do the right thing with faith, everything works out for us and it feels like the world is supporting us. Specifically when things keep not working out again and again, that is a sign to check whether this is really the right thing.

The common denominator of all these modes of communication is that they are internal, meaning self-evident only to the particular person to whom the communication was directed. There is no need to convince him with rational arguments that it is true, because the person feels and knows that the communication conveyed to him is true. Still, even this knowledge is not 100 percent certain, in order to preserve free choice.
I agree with you that this feels unsatisfying, and I too would like stronger communication. As I understand it, you agree that conscience comes from Him, and therefore this is one mode of communication He chose. There would need to be a very good reason for Him to depart from that and choose a completely different mode of communication.
The mode of communication through tradition has many problems that the other mode of communication does not:

1. There is no certainty that it is true, unlike an inner feeling that one knows is true.
2. It is not personal, but external.
3. It is like a broken telephone: things change after many transmissions, and the level of accuracy relative to the original message declines.
4. The reliability of old books is lower because of the dictatorship that existed here in the past—a king who determined everything. He could censor all other opinions and kill anyone who disagreed with him. Writing books was very difficult and required a wealthy kingdom to produce them and pass the doctrine on, so it could write whatever it wanted.
5. There is a theory that when the internet was established, secret government information started leaking to the public, and the CIA began spreading various conspiracy theories in order to hide the truth among many lies. Even today, when information is more open than ever, there are many people who live in a bubble and do not know the full truth. So it makes sense to think that all the more so in the past, most people preferred to live quietly and let the regime do whatever it wanted as long as it did not disturb them. It takes major interference by the regime for there to be a civil war. The Torah as it was actually lived by the kings of old—who still practiced idolatry—was relatively easy, just as today there are people in the religious sector who, aside from external appearance, do nothing, and it is easier for them to remain in that sector than to rebel and leave religion, which is harder.
6. As I understand it, even you do not believe that everything written there is true, and not everything the Sages say—that is, the tradition—is true. You allow yourself to interpret and innovate so that things fit with your conscience, which is the more reliable mode of communication. So if in any case you do that, I do not understand the insistence on the Torah / tradition.

Your argument that conscience cannot be the purpose, or that society was built for its own sake—that is, that the purpose cannot be recursive—does not cover all the possibilities. I do not presume to understand the Creator of the world, why I was created, or why at all, but there are other possibilities:

1. We cannot fully understand the reason for creation because, by definition, that reason is outside creation and outside our understanding; otherwise it would be recursive, as you argued.
2. The reason is to learn and improve, to follow conscience and not make mistakes. That is not always easy. Maybe this is a kind of school in which to learn how to be good under conditions of free choice.

For these reasons, your conclusion is not clear to me. I would be happy to understand more, since your arguments sound rational, and on this part I have barely heard you speak.
I want to say again that I do not presume to understand the Creator of the world or why I was created in this world, and I am not satisfied that He allows evil in the world to happen. I am not convinced by the argument that the good justifies the evil; maybe it would have been preferable if there were nothing at all. In any case, this is the closest I have gotten so far in my search for the truth.
Thank you very much for trying to do good in the world.
I would greatly appreciate it if you would help me understand where, in your view, I am mistaken.