Q&A: Wasting Seed
Wasting Seed
Question
Hello Rabbi.
I and my wife are currently in the middle of renovations at home, so she is away from the house for a period and we don’t have any time alone.
I try very hard not to waste seed, but sometimes the urge is very strong. Is it permitted to emit semen in vain in order not to sin by being with someone else, or by thinking about and looking at other women?
As far as my wife is concerned, when I talk to her about it she says, “From my perspective, do it by yourself, I have no problem with it.”
I would appreciate an answer.
Answer
In my opinion it is forbidden. And if you might come to a transgression, that does not justify other transgressions. Make sure to live together during this period as well.
Discussion on Answer
In my opinion there is no permission for it. I think there is almost always a way if it is important enough. There are expenses for the home renovation, so spend on lodging or a cabin now and then as well. Or in any other way.
See Beit Shmuel on the Shulchan Arukh, Even HaEzer, siman 23, se'if katan 1.
If in intercourse not in the usual manner it is permitted to emit semen in vain (Rema, Even HaEzer 25:2 in the name of the Tur, and in additional sources), then why, in principle, forbid the act if he does not train himself to do it regularly, but only in a time of need when there is no possibility for them to be together? (And specifically during renovations there are fewer financial options, so it is possible that the expense and pressure from the husband would distress the wife, and it would turn out that the intercourse is not at all with her consent.)
The simple understanding is that the permission applies only in the course of marital relations. It is always a question what the difference is between masturbation and intercourse not in the usual manner or other bodily contact.
But that’s simply not possible at all.