Q&A: Leniencies in Converting a Woman
Leniencies in Converting a Woman
Question
Hello Rabbi,
A woman whose grandfather is Jewish is undergoing a conversion process in an Orthodox community abroad.
She is in a relationship with a Jewish man and they are having sexual relations; they intend to marry according to Jewish law after the conversion.
Because the conversion process is taking a long time, meanwhile the Jewish man is sinning.
Is it possible for her to undergo a private conversion already now, before the community conversion, though not instead of it, so that afterward she would be the Jewish man’s wife / concubine, in order to reduce his sins? If so, what are the minimal conditions for conversion on her part (acceptance of the commandments, immersion) and on the part of the private individuals (who are not judges) who would accept her conversion?
Answer
It seems to me that the best thing is to inform the religious court of the situation and let them decide. That is exactly their mandate. Private individuals are not supposed to perform conversions. The rule of acting as agents, which allows certain judicial functions to be carried out by non-judges, does not apply to them in a way that would permit conversion.
Beyond that, I personally am against relationship-motivated conversions (and it makes no difference whether her grandfather is Jewish), and in general I am against halakhic acts whose purpose is to reduce prohibitions. If they are violating a prohibition, then let them violate it. No one needs to convert someone in order to reduce somebody else’s prohibitions.
Discussion on Answer
I would not require anything. I simply would not convert her, because she does not really want to convert.
If I were convinced that she really did want to (including acceptance of the commandments), then I would require her to stop living with him until after the conversion and the marriage according to Jewish law.
I think yes—I would not cooperate.
But seemingly she is not committing any sin by living with him while she is still a gentile?
She certainly is committing a sin. First, even for Noahides there are family values. Beyond that, a convert must observe the commandments and certainly show seriousness and an intention to keep them. And third, it is certainly not proper to do this even if there is no formal prohibition.
Beyond that, I thought on logical grounds that “do not place a stumbling block” applies to a gentile who causes a Jew to sin, just as it applies to a Jew who causes a gentile to sin (see Avodah Zarah 15). And as stated, it is certainly not proper for him to do so.
However, this requires further analysis, since from the discussion there in Avodah Zarah 14 it seems that there is no prohibition of indirect enabling one step removed. And if a gentile were subject to the prohibition of “do not place a stumbling block,” then causing him to stumble would be a regular case of that prohibition, not an indirect one-step-removed case. But this can be rejected.
[I am reminded of the quip of Rabbi Israel Salanter that one who causes his fellow to sin—each of them violates an infinite number of prohibitions of “do not place a stumbling block.” I cause him to sin in the act itself. He causes me to sin by “do not place a stumbling block.” I cause him to sin by causing me to sin, and so on endlessly.]
See here:
If you were serving as a judge, would you require the woman to stop living with the man?
(Seemingly, from her side, “do not place a stumbling block” would not apply, since she is still a gentile.)
And does the fact that you personally are against relationship-motivated conversions mean that you would not cooperate if you were sitting on a religious court or serving as its presiding judge?