Forced execution by a person who does not believe in God

Hello.
I am a graduate of a high school yeshiva and a heder yeshiva in my mid-forties. Last month, I came to the final conclusion with a heavy heart that I do not believe in G-d or any higher being (after a long process and not as a curiosity or crisis). I have no interest in defying, or preaching, or convincing others, and I have not shared the matter with any living soul at this time. I continue to observe most of the practical commandments and do not publicly violate Shabbat or any prohibition in public (at least until I inform my spouse and children).
I feel like I need more blood before I "open" it up to my wife and of course later to the children, the rest of the family, etc. I avoid appearing as a public messenger, and it also won't attract much attention, because I don't often act as a public messenger.
I would be happy if there was a way I could continue to study the Torah, because I am a little uncomfortable refusing, and the more difficult problem is Kiddush on Shabbat. Although the son, who is over 13, goes to synagogue and prays on Shabbat evening, the wife and daughter, who are over 12, do not pray. Even though I believed and suggested to my wife or daughter to do the Kiddush themselves, they were never interested in it. The eldest son also does not want to do the Kiddush.
Is there a halachic way that the rabbi can think of (regarding the ascension to the Torah or Kiddush) or is there no wisdom, no understanding, no advice against God? With no choice, I will try to blame it on the eldest son, but that will definitely arouse suspicion and as mentioned, I prefer not to shake up the house right now (there are many reasons why not, including the health of the wife). Is it possible to join the summons? (It is less common for there to be 3, but it will probably happen).
What about "Torah talk" in a synagogue? Should it be avoided?
Thanks in advance.